How do I handle feeling produced by my snobby relatives?

How do I handle feeling produced by my snobby relatives?

Ever since my Dad married my step-mom he avoids me and my brother’s and we’re his children. He goes and visits my cousins and treats them as his own. It’s hurtful to me and my brothers and anytime I come near my aunts and uncles they treat me like I’m nothing. I work as a teacher’s aide and just started college because I thought my family would accept me again if I had a higher education and better career. It’s not working. And I didn’t see this change until after my father married. I avoid telling my father how I feel because, I want him to be happy and I don’t want to cause problems between myself and my step mom.

Best Answer

  • Harbans answered 3 years ago
    • Edit

Due to change in equation in the family, your father, in order to keep peace with your stepmother is constrained to act the way he is doing that. Just understand his predicament. Be in his shoes and then think rationally. You will also act like that in his state of situation, if you want peace and tranquility with your wife.

After sometimes, broach this subject with your father. Be honest, sincere and forthright with your father and enquire why the change in attitude towards you people. Touch his emotional chord. Do not be brash in your assertion but have emotional tinge in your statement of fact. Sure enough, your father will respond positively and all will be squared out in due course of time. But do this while he is alone and in peace with himself. By His grace everything will be fine. *

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Factually, goes well with you despite slight hurdles, it is essential that we:

·       Be adaptive to the change.

·       Try acquiring adequate qualification in order to get meaningful job so as to become economical  secure.

·       Understand others situations and introspect that if you yourself are placed in the similar situation what you should have done.

·       Do not over-react when patient could help solve problems.

·       While one is financially secure, he/she is not dependent on others. This financial security also gives confidence to face any challenge that may bedevil.

·       Have total faith in God that He’ll come to your succor.

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16 thoughts on “How do I handle feeling produced by my snobby relatives?”

  1. Any relationship to be successful, it is essential that we ourselves should understanding the situation that present and then make every effort to adapt. Sincere efforts always pay.

  2. Indeed, sincere efforts are important. But if want the relationship to work, both party need to clap hands or else it won’t work with one party’s efforts.

    1. Yes, both the parties have to go extra mile for adjustment. But, woefully, the one who is a weaklink in the family has to take the first step. It is the way of the self world.

      2. Yes, there are two types of people. One is who is dependent and the other is independent. When independents show their assertiveness the other parties (Dependents) have to submit & to those I call ‘weaklinks.

        One may say anything but this is the way of the world. Nothing changes with education and all other social and ethical understanding.

        This is not only applicable in families, it is also applicable in societies’ relationships. Even relationship between one country with another.

        Regards

      4. Yes, it is saddening but we’ll have to accept reality. This is also true of the animal and bird world. You must have observed their behavioral pattern. Dependents and independents are always there. I should say it is the way of the world. We’ve to submit. Accept it not, the truth never chances.
        But I should say ‘submit’ is really a hard word for it because submission comes when we discuss the relationship between servants and masters etc. Here too some rights of servants are codified and right behaviour (moral or ethical) of masters are there in the civilized societies.

        Thanks and regards

      5. That is why God gives the Bible to His created mankind to know their wrongs and to correct. Once humans deviate from it and refused to listen to obey God’s way of living, the result is disaster. That is the reason of moral declination and many natural disasters.

      6. Yes madam, I absolutely agree, our Lord comes to the one who is differentiated and that is why He is called a compassionate SUPER SPIRIT. At least the fear of His commandments deter such poor soul to consider his/her soul-mates equally. Wish that His blessings and guidance prevail. Amen.

        Regards

  3. Yes, it is saddening but we’ll have to accept reality. This is also true of the animal and bird world. You must have observed their behavioral pattern. Dependents and independents are always there. I should say it is the way of the world. We’ve to submit. Accept it not, the truth never chances.
    But I should say ‘submit’ is really a hard word for it because submission comes when we discuss the relationship between servants and masters etc. Here too some rights of servants are codified and right behaviour (moral or ethical) of masters are there in the civilized societies.

    Thanks and regards

  4. My first book, “How Orples Came To Be” was written in an effort to find closure over my father’s death, out of guilt after he died. My step mother didn’t allow him to ‘have’ children anymore, and she browbeat him anytime we would try to claim his attention. It was a long story, but probably typical in many people’s lives when a parent remarries. Long story, short: I did not go to visit my father for the last two years in his life. He died suddenly, and then it was too late. It took me years to take off my rose colored glasses and see the truth for what it was.

    1. Those who face real life situation like the one you’ve stated know what a separation from the parent(s) is. One is really shattered. Especially the predicament of the father is very precarious. He is actually having one foot in one boat and another in other and one wrong move just is the end. Fortunate the ones whose step mothers are considerate – but experience, more often not not is disappointing. This results in children facing the onslaught of time squarely. Those are properly educated and having good employment to boot take care of themselves but difficult for those with non to bank on?

      In this sort of situation, there is no option but to draw out inner potentials and make endeavours to push on and face challenges that come. Losing battle means certain ruin. Therefore, better option is to face situation squarely and move on. Time is a great healer. It could make difference ultimately.

      Thanks a lot for giving your side of the truth. It makes others to introspect that they are not the only ones to have been placed in this sort of situation – others too are having and they have come out unscathed then WHY THEY CANNOT? But patience, tolerance, perseverance and our Lord’s graces are required in this sort of situation.

      Regards

  5. I think in these cases it is important to speak with your father about how you feel with the situation. He probably may not realize how his behavior is making you feel. I do understand that he is trying to make his new wife happy but I am one to believe that it is very important that when one has kids that the parents are aware that although they do have a right to be happy, they also owe themselves to a certain extent to their kids. This is perhaps my way of looking at it but the step mother if she loves her new husband or partner a lot, she should want to include his children, even if they are from another woman, into her life too. Treat them as if those kids were hers too. I think as adults it is so important to have conscious of how our behavior affect others. Some people are not and so in those cases it is our responsibility to let that person know how we feel.

    1. Aura madam, you are absolutely correct. The concerned child should speak to her father and tell what she feels after the marriage of her father and the treatment being handed out to her. She should open her heart to her father. After all, he cannot wash off his hands because he has married another lady. Secondly the step-mother too should show magnanimity towards the children of her husband. By so doing, she would be creating goodwill in the family.

      But paradox is; do people act like this? Whenever selfish motive comes in the relationship, erosion in the relationships sets in.

      My sincere thanks for the add on – a wonderful at that.

      With regards .

  6. Well answered. I feel the the father be given his own space with respect. If you rise to a higher level the father and his new family’s attitude will change. Thank you.

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