- How do you know he’s the right guy to marry?
I only want answers from people who are still married and happy or people who never been married. The reason I’m asking because I see so many divorces now days, makes me wonder if there’s even a point to get married.
Best Answer: You are right that there are so many divorces now-a -days. The main reason for these divorces going northward is non-adjustment of the couples. These are attributable to various reasons like financial stringency, non-compatibility due to not understanding the needs of other partner, maladjustment due to excessive pressures from other members of the household (if in the joint family) or any other local unresolved issues. Here, the fault lies especially with the boy who does not foretell everything that is worth telling to his future wife which becomes cause of heartburn after marriage.
Both the spouses should try to understand the needs and aspirations of each other as each of them are important cogs/constituents of marriage to last or lost. My experience tells me that girls are bestowed with more patience/tolerance by Mother Nature as they have to move to new set of environs and have to adopt all the norms governing the household of her in-laws, leaving her own parents. She has to accept the change with grace, slowly but surely. Husband should also assist her meaningfully. Here a balance between tact and diplomacy are must. If there is adjustment between spouses, then half the battle is won. If it is a joint family then husband can confide in his spouse the need and aspiration of each members; here again others members too should understand the condition of a new member (the girl) and help her adjust, teach her the norms of the family. In this sort of a scenario, there is no problem. It is the prime duty of the husband to let her assimilate in the family but slowly. Nothing happens in haste. Give and take in a relation is a must. It is not a one way traffic. In the nuclear families (husband & wife or children) adjustment could be ensured when equal respect for each other is there but it is lacking then God is the only savior since there is nobody in the family to make them round.
If still difference on some small pin-pricks persist, these should be left to the great leveler – ‘time’. It should never be forgotten that time is a great healer. In the meanwhile your in-laws may also understand you fully and try to adjust according to your perception in life. But this sort of condition / contingency will arise when the girl has tried to adjust according to their outlook. But a cautionary note: do not be dumb driven cattle. You can express your views sincerely and trust me these would be respected if found palatable. Nobody is that inconsiderate, except a few who are fastidious and may something and act otherwise. Yet in that scenario the best thing is to adopt a wait and watch.
Finally, when each of the spouses think family as a sacred unit and adopts guiding principle of forgive and forget each others’ faults then marriage as an institution just lasts. Never sleep you’re your problems. Just discuss and get rid of these rather than creating a black-hole still wider. Husbands should never ever forget that the families where women are respected God lives there only. Total success of a marriage to be successful is total commitment of values by both the spouses.
Thus he is the right person who has the above characteristic. World is full of people of this nature. Do not get disappointed. Just introspect and proceed further.
Harbans · 4 years ago