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WHY DO SOME SUFFER IN SILENCE?

10 Jan

WHY DO SOME SUFFER IN SILENCE?

When we do not have verbal or non-verbal communication with others and remain aloof / cut off from others. This silence may be forced due to circumstances or self imposed. When we remain within the confines of our own self, letting our inner pulls and pressures playing havoc with our self then its consequences would certainly be disastrous. This is a negative trait and the sooner it is eradicated from our system the better it is for us.

In the great epic Mahabharta, Kunti suffered silently when her sons were divested of all their possessions and exiled through deceit. In the similar manner, when the battle started tilting against Kauravas, King Dhritrashtra & Gandhari too suffered silently for the losses suffered in the battlefield.

Then we observe silence while praying. Contemplative silence brings within us peace and tranquility when it is done with sinerity and with total concentration. This could be termed as a positive trait and is beneficial for us.

Women are suffering in silence; it may be at home of at office places. Stress and undercurrent of sadness is more pronounced when some people do not get what they deserve actually. The simmering discontent inherent is responsible. This simmering discontent may be without any explainable reasons. Sometimes we make it a habit to feel sad without any perceptible reasons even. Or stress, sometimes, may be due to impending occurrences’, in the process exhibiting fatigue, anger, and irritability on silliest pretext. These may also result in less sleep, memory loss, less compatibility. The main despondency results when our own children and our own love ones start cribbing about our behaviour.

The underlying causes for our getting stressed on silly pretext and thus suffers silently due the following reasons:-

  • Dissatisfaction in life due to financial stringency. When we compare our financial status with others and give it the colour of our self respect then sure enough we are in for a trouble. We’ll not mix in our social circle thus keeping ourselves aloof resulting in having internal turmoil. Thus demonstration effect, adversely impacts our day to day behaviour.
  • Incompatibility in the Household. It has been seen that many a times there is flare-up between the couples and when the same is not attended to and settled there and then may cause differences. Sweeping differences under the carpet is too bad. Simmering discontent may impair the relationship between the couples and may become a cause of permanent discord. Living in the same house but not enjoying perfect rapport producing ill-will, disappointment and silent suffering. In this sort of a scenario the sufferers the children because they do not get the quality time in the surcharged atmosphere. Here the women suffer more than their men counterparts owing to some social stigma attached in some societies.
  • Personal Appearance or a Slightest disability. In the world of ours, all are not Helen Keller or John Milton who even exploited their disabilities to their advantage and showed to the world at large that disability could be fought with a iron will. Some may even take recourse to remaining in their self created shell due to slightest disproportionality in their appearance, may live with a poser from themselves: What others would say? Not to speak of disproportionate disability even a slightest facial mark is a trigger for them to feel slighted and consequent trauma of silent suffering.
  • Mental immaturity. It has been well said: as we think so we become. There are people who think too much of themselves and remain just aloof with a delusion of being born in a separate social strata. They think below their prestige to mix with a particular group of people since they are not at par with that of individual concerned. I think fastidious is the perfect word for them. Never pleasing, you may do anything for them. This, to my mind, is one of the main curse of our society. Here the discriminated unit of the society just suffers and may resort using force to get even creating disturbance in the society. That is what is happening presently. While one spouse has this quality the other one just suffer immensely just silently resulting in different kinds of diseases – mental as well as physical.
  • Social Behaviour/Etiquette could be imbibed from our families. While there is dissension in the family due to one thing of the other, all the members do not see eye to eye with each others. In this sort of a situation, the give and take which could have been there in the form of transformation of values, modes of behavior or etiquettes has diminishing returns. When a child is unfortunate to get proper modes of good behavior from the parents due to one reason of another then the child suffers silently. Or also does not get opportunity to imbibe from the formal or informal institution. Then this problem of being aloof comes. This sort of individual may turn to be a criminal.
  • Negative attitude/Distrust towards others due to some episode/incident which may have left a print. There are incidents or episodes for which an individual is not responsible but has been framed by the vested interests. That individual feels slighted in the first place and then would like to remain aloof besides being distrustful, disappointed and suffers silently for no perceptible fault of her/his own!
  • Low Self Esteem. Having low self esteem due to some one reason or other beyond the control of an individual may also be the cause of sadness or unhappiness or discontent and may set off silent suffering.
  • When one is Disillusioned. When despite of best focus and energy, unfortunately, if an individual is unable to satisfy others that person tends to become disillusioned. This may be without any modicum of reason but it happens. This failure to convince others who count despite his/her best effort results in disillusionment and ultimately a silent suffering.
  • Negative Mindset and our emotions. There are people who, due to some reason or other, have negative mindset and do not even try to change the same even knowing sufficiently well that it is bad. No amount of persuasion makes them to think it otherwise, are always swayed by emotions and get perturbed on smallest things. By doing so, we are actually giving more fodder to our stressful state and thus suffer in silence.

We can have a catalyst of change in us by:-

Having Positive Traits and ridding ourselves of negativity of any kind. Positive traits like compassion/ /empathy/kindness/benevolence should be cultivated and practiced sincerely. By so doing, we shall be making ourselves useful for those who need our help. By giving a smile on others’ faces, we shall be doing a good turn to ourselves only in the eyes of our ISHWAR /GOD /ALLAHA /CREATOR.

Those who are suffering from the malaise of suffering in silence should bank on our Creator as a REDEEMER-IN-CHIEF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 Comments

Posted by on January 10, 2015 in Inner Thoughts

 

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6 responses to “WHY DO SOME SUFFER IN SILENCE?

  1. dr sweetyshinde

    January 10, 2015 at 5:37 pm

    Scared of the backlash/ feedback/ response perhaps? Unsure of right vs wrong? Peer pressure? Social customs/ rituals do tend to mute the voices of the women, the impoverished and the genteel.

     
    • Harbans

      January 11, 2015 at 4:00 am

      Dr Sahiba,

      All the causes of SILENT SUFFERING due to the causes you’ve given are on dot. What a person can do in these sort of situations. Firstly, she/he could come clean by making the other party know everything, then there is a fear of ‘backlash’, or other reprisal(s) then if not clarifying, then also a fear of somebody other fellow telling about the incident/episode then also there is consequent upheaval.

      In this sort of a predicament, what course a person should take? I opine that a person of integrity should come clean and at least do not have internal guilt; which I think is worst than facing the fact squarely.

      Social customs/rituals too are responsible for our womenfolks to be at receiving ends.Though we think that we have progressed in material possessions yet we are still poor or poorest in social ladder. Custom, caste affiliations etc too are the factors which are responsible for our sections of society feeling alienated thus creating a wedge between the humans.

      And women, being the ‘genteel’ certainly feel pinch and have to take the best part of the suffering in life with no solace coming from any quarter. Firstly, on marriage, then during married life, then during upbringing of children, then after children are brought up, till oldhood, women are at the receiving end. GOD HAS CREATED THEM THUS! MAAN DURGAS of today.GOD BLESS

       
      • dr sweetyshinde

        January 11, 2015 at 6:22 am

        Hmm, Indians worship Goddess in temples and spit upon her at home.

         
      • Harbans

        January 11, 2015 at 8:18 am

        We Indian worship Goddess both in temples and at our homes. Exceptions are there in all the societies.

        Even in SAT YUGA there were demons who disrespected the human values and worked against the very Creator and His creations.

        Your bitterness is well understood and should be taken with a pinch of salt by all right thinking people.

        Regards

         
  2. orples

    January 11, 2015 at 1:12 am

    Would’d, should’a, could’a…. Women are more apt to think with their hearts than their heads, (when compared to men, which oft times have the ‘wrong’ head to blame for their own shortcomings) when they allow themselves to remain in a losing relationship. Either way, I can say from past experience, when your mind shows you those little red flags, don’t let your heart/penis (whichever the case might be) tuck them away in a drawer somewhere. Heed the warnings, and act accordingly.

     
    • Harbans

      January 11, 2015 at 4:17 am

      My sincere thanks for your most relevant comments.

      I’ve experienced; because from childhood, to studentship, during working, married life, bring interacting with different people including women, the love and affection besides the understanding that a woman can shower is really second to none.
      Though men too are not lagging behind (with some odd exceptions) in this sphere yet WOMEN are the CHIEF PERFORMER in the household. She can either make or unmake a household. Though man’s contribution too cannot be disputed yet the upbringing methodology of a women is second to none.

      Yes, woman acts from the emotional self which is filled with love and affection. I’ve personal experience in this; relationship of mother, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law etc which have cemented a thought in me that without WOMEN’S accomplishments at home nothing works. Though now-a-days due to advancement in education revolution women too are forging ahead in all the spheres; replacing man’s bastions. And they too are combining heart and head and succeeding with emotions and tact.

      Yes, nothing should be ‘tucked’ if a relationship has to be enduring.

      Thanks and regards

       
 
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