VIOLENCE – A NEVER ENDING MALAISE

 

VIOLENCE – A NEVER ENDING MALAISE

Violence is willful use of force with an intention to inflict pain and discomfort on the victim thus throwing all tenets of moral courage and moral turpitude to winds besides violence born out of greed for material prosperity (by any means), an insatiable over-ambition for power and pelf.

Humans have evolved since stone-age but the violence has overtaken evolution in humans. Violence has made inroads in our psyche, impacting us physically and psychologically.

It has also been observed that an honest person while on the pursuit of truth has to face violence from the adversaries. Violence results when inherent goodness of man is overshadowed by evil forces, cowardice and morality take back seat. In fact sanity and understanding are hugely needed virtues in today’s chaotic world.

We can witness on the social media the incidents where hit and run incidences or indiscriminate shooting incidents by the school children resulting in killing and still more violence.

In fact a silliest and inconsequential alleged cause could snowball into a huge conflagration.   Answering violence with more violence is uncalled for and needs to be condoned rather than given more air.

We are dismayed at the insecurity that a normal person feels while walking on the busiest streets. Law breakers get away with impunity even after committing heinous crimes in broad day light with everybody watching but alas none comes to the rescue of the victim!

The malady of violence has seeped into our younger lots. Society has become more violent today than ever. Reason could be any for the violence for spewing hatred; the common man becomes a fodder of violence that prevails.

Actually more reliance on material possessions have made us selfish, insensitive bereft of any pity, compassion, love and affection. Exploitations in various forms are practiced in all walks of life. Humane considerations and emotions have taken a back seat in this rate race of one-upmanship for power and pulf. Although rationalism has been given more credence soft emotions do not find place in the scheme of things.

RELIGION & VIOLENCE

It may sound rather strange, but it is a fact that amongst the causes of violence, religion based violence has the dubious distinction of leading the causes. It should never be forgotten that religion and spirituality are the binding forces which unite us with our Creator. Different religions are different means to reach to our destination – our Lord but when people interpret religious scriptures suiting their narrow ends then there is violence and bad feeling amongst people. If wisdom prevails, no religion worth its name professes violence to reach to our Bhagwan.

All the religious philosophers, scriptures and religious preacher have emphatically stressed that all the religions have the same goal but may be different methods of doing so but is this being followed threadbare?

RELIGIONS & VIOLENCE

To top it all, surprisingly, people fight in the name of religion. It is their woeful reflection of their lack of understanding of religions which preach us to have compassion and understanding for others. It should never be forgotten that religions are the pathways to our Creator. All the creations are the embodiments / manifestation of God. If we love God then we’ve to love His creations.

COLLECTIVE VIOLENCE / OVER-AMBITIOUS NATIONS & VIOLENCE

Amongst many nations there is a prevalent lust for more power, sphere of influence, hedgemonistic approach, will to subjugate the smaller nations to prove supremacy. For achieving these goals, the nations remain at the logger heads with each other bringing about deaths and destruction.

Then nuclear weapons in the hands of some nations have become such a destructive agent. If these weapons fall in wrong hands (terrorist etc), then, God be our savior? Having suffered so much in World Wars I & II, besides regional wars ,we seem to have learnt no lessons at all. Recent terrorist attacks on the life and property in different cities around the world has taken huge toll already and is still woefully taking. When this mayhem and violence will stop, there is no ray of hope!

YOUNG MINDS & VIOLENCE

Reasons may be; not giving quality time to the children because of their pre-occupations with jobs, more exposure to internet etc that these children who should have been given value education know more about how to download contents like use of profane/slang language, criminal activities shown etc by these the impressionable minds are adversely affected. Whatever they see in their downloads from net, they want to experiment what they see in the downloads! Yet we accept all these things in a spirit of resignation. It should never be forgotten that violence makes residency in the hearts and minds of the people. A slightest provocation may trigger violence.

A few days back, two children in the age groups of 9 – 10 years of age assaulted a young man of 23 years of age with a broken beer bottle and slit his throat. He bled to his death on the pavement itself. There was none to carry this hapless victim to hospital! So insensitive, we’ve grown. A fight on a most trivial matter could result in murders when situation goes out of control.

SEXUAL RELATED VIOLENCE

Without regard to any relationship, when we resort to a forcible sexual act or A forcible sexual act or immoral sexual comment, or resort to unethical and unnatural advances towards somebody without somebody’s consent, it is termed as sexual violence. The violence related to sex, using force by any person regardless of relationship to the victim. It may be sexual sexual violence against spouse as a matter of right. It has been experienced that it has negative long term and short term implications on the victims. This is an atrocious violence leading to psychological and physical consequences. We have many cases of sexual violence and are taken in the category of domestic violence. Prevalent customs too are responsible where men are considered entitled to sex with the partner with or without her consent. Then there are cases of child abuse.
We know the case of Aruna Shanbaug, a nurse in Mumbai who was assaulted by a ward boy 42 years back. She remained in coma for about 42 years. She was nursed and fed by others at Parel’s KEM Hospital. She dies a few days back after remaining in vegetative state.

Interpersonal violence : Family violence. In interpersonal violence. Treatment that we give to our partner, treatment during and at the time of delivery to the spouse, sexual abuse etc. The household remains in turmoil till such time peace prevails between the couples. If peace is absent, then not only the couple but also children suffer the consequences of this discord.

SELF DIRECTED VIOLENCE

Though causes of self-inflicted violence in the form of suicide or even thought of committing it falls under the category of violence yet these do not stand moral or ethical standpoint. For example, people know smoking is harmful or becoming addicted to drugs, drinking and excessive of it leads to dangerous physical and psychological consequences. Thus self inflicted injury by any intent or action is violence.

VIOLENCE AGAINST CHILDREN AND ELDERLY

Child abuse is said to have happened when the parents due to their acts of omissions and commissions cause injury, death or emotional These violence are in the form of exploitation of children, neglecting their upbringing, bodily or sexual abuse etc. causing physical and mental consequences to the children. In our neighbourhood or locality, we must have seen such cases.

Those who had looked after their children well; spending their resources (both physical and financial) sometimes are not cared for by those who ought to look after them while they’ve able to do so. These hapless people are subjected to physical violence, verbal aggression and neglected totally.  So much so is the neglect and maltreatment that these elderly people are subjected to that they pray to the Creator for their deaths.

I have myself observed how an old mother was left in a single room at her oldage with nobody to look after and that too with multiple infirmities. Two sons were financially good but they specially purchased a house in another locality and kept their aged mother there – just to fend for herself. She lead a pathetic life. For others everyday begins with a hope but her day began with age related problems – aches, difficulty in making her own meals etc. What a wretched life! After suffering silently, she left that lonely house even to her permanent abode.  

Reasons for violence may be due to corruption in high place and politics, lack of accountability, differences due to caste, creed, colour, regionalism, religious fundamentalism, terrorism etc but the consequences of all these are disastrous. We unleash animal instinct and harm others on one pretext or other; which for God sake should stop and sanity should prevail.

 

REFLECTIONS ON OUR MOODS

Reflections on our moods

Fact remains, we can be our own friends or own foes; it all depends how we conduct or react to a situation. Mood is an emotional state triggered by a sudden change in situation or event. It could have a positive or negative connotation. It may be good mood or bad mood; both are the heightened emotional upsurges which are provoked by sudden change in situation or an event. We may exhibit sudden change of mood while seeing an old friend after many years or may feel heightened moodiness after knowing about the disloyalty by somebody we consider our own. Sudden change of mood can also trigger anger, anguish, stress, depression. Any sudden change in our behavior pattern; due to some sudden change in situation may have disastrous implications on us.

The mood could be of individual or that of a crowd. We must have seen the mood of crowd while handing out justice to an individual who has committed heinous crime when caught. The crowd even goes to the extent of lynching that person to death. There are the people who have the trait of enhancing the incensed emotions. They put more oil on the burning amber of flared up emotions thus creating disquiet and ill-will amongst the members of the society.

It is well said, we reflect our mood on our face and eyes. Anybody observing us would be able to gauze the mood; without even interacting with us! We must try to eradicate the mood swings from our mental mirror. All the qualities, good and bad are covered in our moods. Our moods are influenced partly by our own attitude and partly due to the environs in which we are placed. It should always be remembered that moodiness is not a solution or a method or an escape valve to come out of a situation in which we are placed. It is a passion or emotional upsurge. In order to remove the moodiness, we’ve to remove the cause of our rampant mood. Introspection is required to remove the cause of the prevalent mood. Systematic self analysis will bring forth its cause and then we can devise ways and means to eliminate the same.

Our mood change may be due to fear of wellbeing of our family or due to the falling health of a member of our family or may be due to the insecurities due to financial stringency, aging and health hazards or anything. Whatever be the cause, a sincere prayer to God will invoke the healing power. It should always be remembered that God is noticing our minutest details. He has the power to heal every wound of ours. Becoming calmly active and with a belief in Him will make a huge difference.

It is well said: a vacant mind is devil’s workshop. It is self-evident that our mind has to be kept pre-occupied. We become moody when passive thoughts overcome us. To overcome these, we’ve not only to be physically active but also keep our mind active in creative thinking. Creative thinking makes us attuned to our Creator. We create a healthy space whenever we reflect our peace and understanding even when somebody misunderstands us. We should always reflect aroma of love which is lasting. Love is anti-dote for any affliction that my visit us.

When we determine to be tranquil both in happy and sad situations and keep ourselves busy in creative pursuits then we are setting a better precedence. We should always remember that our soul is the storehouse of peace and tranquility. More of the
positive qualities should be stored into it so that it emits the same in the environs in which it goes.

AFFECTS OF OUR MOODS                         

• Our moods sap away our creative powers. Moods eat away our peace of our mind thus are impediment to further growth. Under the influence of a bad mood, a person may commit an uncalled for act.
• Moody person remains trumpeting his own side of the story without listening or caring for anybody’s sagacious advice because his judgement is impaired.
• Anticipating result not to be in our favour may trigger moodiness resulting in messing up our present state of our mind. This occasionally happens in everybody’s life.
• There are the people who dramatise in order to provoke others so that others too come round to their nefarious designs. We sometimes keep ourselves away from others simply to avoid being influenced by their negative influence.

Our moods and how to overcome these

8. Whenever we are doing something with a feeling of indifference or when our mind is unsteady then it means mood of highest proportion has engulfed us. Solution is to have full enthusiasm whatever is being done.

Bhagwad Gita opines: Wherever the restless and unseady mind wanders away, from there one must restrain it and bring it back under the control of self.

2. Less or no belief in our Creator. People who believe in our God’s Omnipotence and Omniscience remain calm and composed under any condition they are placed. Our effort should be God centric with the thought that He will come to our help whenever we are stuck and then we can surmount any difficult that engulfs us.
   The Yogi who is sinless, thus connecting his soul with the Almighty, easily enjoys the highest stage of perfect happiness – Bhagwad Gita.
3. We tend to think more about the gnawing problems than the ways to eradicate these. This way, we are giving more oxygen to our moods. We should explore all possible angles to solve a problem and then leave the result of action on God. Everything will come about fine with His grace.
4. In family life and in work place we tend to give more air to our moods. This way we put an opaque screen between ourselves and our intelligence, which proves counterproductive for us. Most of the problems that are there in our family adjustment happen because of our nasty moods. When we are in nasty mood we really blunt our soft emotions and thoughtfulness.

Suppose husband reaches home in a nasty mood and is received by the wife in good mood. Most of the problems could be solved by sharing each others’ problems and if possible understanding them. On the other hand if both are in nasty mood; husband coming from office in a nasty mood and wife is already in a nasty mood because of her domestic chores then God is the savior of this sort of a situation!

5. Lack of sleep for a particular period of time can result in depression or stress and sleep needed when met can bring us out of this depression.
6. Sudden occurrence of incidence may result in positive or negative mood. Both have direct implication for the wellbeing of an individual. We should train ourselves to be tranquil and should have self belief that everything would come out fine.
7. There are the people who remain igniting negative feelings in others. We should keep a healthy distance from such people.

Shakuni in Mahabharta remained igniting the rampant passions and emotions of Dharyodhana thus creating ill-will and negative mind set in him.

8. We can resort to mood elevating pursuits such as meditation / prayer for changing our negative mood.

 

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FORGIVING SOMEONE WHO DID WRONG TO YOU NEEDS A LOT OF COURAGE.?

 

HAVE YOU EVER DONE THAT ? DID IT SATISFY YOU?

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Best Answer:  One of the best qualities of a person is to forget and forgive the person who has done wrong to  us.Though it is difficult to put in practice.

When a person has done wrong to us intentionally and with ulterior motive then it is all the more difficult to forgive that person and forget his/her misdeed. In this case, we would like to pay that person in the same coin but men with large /warmheartedness do otherwise. They would like to forgive this sort of a person and forget everything done. It requires courage indeed.

This is our common experience, more the intensity of the wrong done, the more severe feeling for revenge it generates. Notwithstanding the severity of the offense, a sincere feeling of forgiveness puts a person in the category of ‘compassionate one’. A humane consideration and empathy make much difference. The feeling of forgiveness and forgetting result when we have taken ourselves away from the feeling of reason (for reason tells us to teach a person lesson who has done wrong to us) or rationality and placed ourselves on the higher moral pedestal vis-a-vis the person who has wronged us.

While forgetting somebody’s faults, we’ve to either just forgive that person point blank or afford that person opportunity so that that person refines so as not to repeat that fault. The former course of action is a bit knotty and hard to put to practice yet if it is done then one takes himself/herself away from the mundane reasons and in case of later one confines himself/herself within reason and rationality or ifs and buts of it all.

But I am of the view that forgiveness should not be without making the wrong doer to realise his folly to avoid recurrence. It is with an intention to refine that person.

But for doing so, it requires sanity, courage and all other positive qualities mixed together. *

Forgiving (let go attitude) others wrong doings to us and forgetting their faults has been expounded in all the religious texts. These traits are the hallmark of a person who knows how to be adaptive to a positive change besides living a life without ill-will towards others. It is also a fact that forgiving others also affords us an opportunity that somebody else will also forgive us whenever we tend to commit something wrong.

As far as the question on: Have I ever forgotten somebody? Though while delving on this, I have to be out rightly frank and fair so that others believe what I say. Yes, I have done so. This happened after the marriage of my daughter. It was an arranged marriage as is a custom in our part of the world where girls though educated depend and accept the decisions of their parents.

Just on the day of the marriage itself (after the sacred rituals around the fire) and vows etc, the boy eloped with his girlfriend. A bolt from the blues for my entire family. We felt inconsolable. What about my daughter? She was really shattered. The journey of her married life had ended before even starting! That boy had not only deceived our entire family but also left a scar which was difficult to be filled. He had taken us all for a cruel ride – morally, ethically or even financially!

The best thing that one learns from the cruel incidences is that it makes us aware who is our true friend and who is our fair-weather-friend. We learned that amply. All this brought my entire family nearer to our CREATOR. Very near. He became our succour and helped changed our lives ultimately.  It is well said; it is only in adversities that we learn our lessons under the able guidance of our LORD!.  IT IS A TRUTH AND EVERYBODY SHOULD BELIEVE IN THIS TRUTH.

I determined to find the boy. He had taken his girlfriend to Mumbai; which I found from the mother of that boy – under the threat that I will be constrained to take the matter to the police. I went there brought both to our home place. Just asked him the following questions:-

If you had to do this with my daughter then why in the first place you agreed to marry her and ruined her life thus and in the process adversely impacting my entire family?

The boy and the mother had no answers. Thenceforth, we took the matter to the court for annulment of the marriage which was done with mutual consent. I forgave the boy and mother.

Now my daughter is happily married and has been graced with a daughter and enjoying everything which a married girl does with the grace of our Creator.

It may sound curious to know about the boy and his family. The girl with whom that boy had fled / eloped has left him with somebody else! Due to his escapades, the entire family business got ruined. His mother is bedridden. That is the result of a bad karma one has to endure. It also goes to show that in our Creator’s domain nothing is forgotten or forgiven if humans forget and forgive in true sense of term.

Thus forgiving others needs a lot of courage but when it is done its results are always beneficial for the forgiver.

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ACT OF PAYBACK

ACT OF PAYBACK

 

Borrow something from others to meet a need
It has to be paid back as we seek
On the time and terms agreed between parties
For it comes under the domain of natural justice
Or else, it’ll fall under the purview of payback dishonesty
And breach of solemn article of faith ultimately.

Paybacks of prayer are manifold
It rejuvenates our energy so jaded and faded
By the onslaughts of daily life’s routines
Thus eliminating stress that engulfs
And thus face life with utmost composure.

Payback for all forms of bad karma have to be endured
Which none has ever escaped
Not only in our present moment, in this birth
Now and here on this earth
Or thence in other birth
Time for this ‘payback’ is not predetermined
That it depends entirely on Cosmic system so mystical
Where there is no accident
Or coincidence while it delivers justice
It’s its own natural way of functioning.

Our righteous deeds in the form of honesty
Renunciation, compassion, charity
Besides austerity, simplicity and equanimity
Bring in its wake wholesome results finally
We’re paid back what we’ve given to the needy
By our most benevolent God
This truth should never be forgotten by us all.

 

When we borrow some money from any bank or from any individual (by agreeing on a legal papers etc), we’re constrained/duty bound to pay back that money with agreed rate of interest. If we are not able to recompense or meet the obligations to pay back this amount then we’re liable to be hauled before the court of law. It would also be considered as a breach of good faith attracting punishment. This is the pay back for not meeting a legal obligation.

Paying back could be in the form of services rendered; in kind or in cash or whatever is agreed to at the time of availing such services between parties concerned.

RECOMPENSE FOR OUR UNPOPULAR BEHAVIOR OR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR

When our acts are not in conformity with the norms set by the society or break the law of the land, we are paid back or recompensed for our acts of omissions and commissions according to the gravity of the case in point. That is the recompense for our unpopular behavior.

ELECTORATES PAY BACK TO THE POLITICIANS

This is applicable in case of politicians, who though promise moon to their voters in the elections but do not deliver on ground while there is time to deliver their promise. Such people become unpopular and get retributive returns for paying only lip sympathies. Electorates too teach such politicians a sweet lesson by not casting their votes in their favour when times comes.

RESPECT AND ITS PAY BACK

When we compliment others, we are also respected or may be more than what we give others. We ought to teach our children the etiquette of paying respect to others because this is important for civilized behavior. Here responsibility lies with the parents initially and then schools and colleges.

MISBEHAVIOR & ITS PAY BACK

It should never the forgotten that our misdemeanor will not bring us rewards but will get us retributive justice. If we get angry with others or show uncalled for arrogance, we would be paid in the manner we have given others. No less but may be even more.

PAYBACK TO THE PERSONS AT THE TWILIGHT OF THEIR LIFE

Affection and sense of purpose are two components which a person requires especially so when he is in twilight of life. Now a days, the young people neither has inclination nor time to payback to their older members of household, may be due to their pre-occupation with their profession due to cut throat competition or due to other compulsion. Or they do not want to come to their succor on their own accord. All these lame excuses hardly mean that they should ignore their old parents!

A more congenial atmosphere too is required where old people feel protected and secure. They should feel emotionally and physically secure, cared for and respected while in oldage. Though medical science has made much headway in terms of longer lifespan, healthier and better living, yet it has not provided any solution which is needed for the aged and infirm to provide their physical and emotional security. The competition has increased manifold thus putting a spanner in the way for the care and protection of the older members.

It should never be forgotten that these are the very people who had given their everything to their offspring from their childhood onwards; for these are the very people who had provided every opportunity for the upward movement; in academic education, professional education for their career advancement etc for their children who now do not have time and resources for their aged parents! Now it is these people who require to be taken care of so that they feel wanted, cared for, happy, and feel complete secure. This is the payback which is required to be given to the old people. It is morally and ethically correct.

Previously there was joint family system in which the old parents were considered useful for giving advice as they were considered as the warehouses of knowledge, and looked after with awe and inspiration/respect. But presently they are considered as rigid, interfering, nuisance and burden by some. This is not the payback which these old people deserve.

SHRAVANKUMAR’S PARENTS STORY is an eye opener and a lesson for the youth. His parents named Shantva and his wife, Gyanvati were blind. It was later mentioned by one sage that if Shravan takes his parents to pilgrimage their eyesight would be restored. He decides to carry them in a palanquin carried by himself on his shoulders enduring sun, rain and other elements of nature. While he was on the last lap of his pilgrimage, he was killed by the king Dhshratha – a mistake which he repented later on. But one thing is certain, we’ve the stellar case of looking after the helpless parents!

PAY BACK OF OUR KARMA: DEEDS OR MISDEEDS

Cosmic system works just perfectly – nothing is missed. There is a perfect mystery attached to it all. We transact our daily karma and get the pay back of our karma, sometimes on the spur/immediately, sometimes after sometimes in this birth itself or in some cases may be next birth. Presently, what we’re being paid back is the result of our past karma or acts done in the past life but we nurture the notion that we are the doers thus become egocentric in our life. Every act of ours is lucidly recorded and acted upon. Good karmic deeds earn us credit points and bad karmic deeds debit points.

We’ve always to keep in mind that whatever we give is paid back to us. Nishkama karma always pays.

Lord Jesus said: “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

Our good deeds through; sincerity in action, truthfulness, humbleness, quality of letting go, etc are handsomely rewarded / paid back by our Ishwara/Lord/Creator.

Lord Krishna said to Arjuna to cultivate the divine virtues : Fearlessness, purity of the inner psyche, perseverance in the yoga of Self-knowledge, charity, sense-restraint, sacrifice, study of the scriptures, austerity, …… modesty, absence of fickleness, splendor, forgiveness, fortitude, cleanliness, absence of malice, and absence of pride.

Importantly, little wonder then, no one has ever escaped from the paybacks of karma – not even Lord Krishana; the incarnation of Lord Vishnu and the preserver of the universe! When the war between Pandavas and Kauravas ended, Gandhari cursed him with death of Yadavas; insinuating that the war and the consequent slaughter could have been averted if Krishna wanted. Krishna accepts the ‘payback’ and it happens so ultimately; though she conveniently forgets that Lord Krishna did everything to dissuade Kaurvas from following evil path but in vain.

Why is love important than friendship ?

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Best Answer:  It is more important that we understand the true meaning of love and friendship. Love has got wide connotations. We can love one’s parents, children or anybody or anything to that matter. We can love ourselves as well. Love with friendship has deeper meaning. It means you know a person or a thing more intimately without any reservation whatsoever. Love, as we take today, it one sided. It should not be that you have love for a person and he or she does not reciprocate your love, then that love is ‘single track’ love and is not lasting. It may ultimately prove that it is deceptive or a pretense. Then what to do? Be very cautious that the other party is not duping you or taking you for a ride with her / his show of love. Love has very deeper meaning than which you show on ground. I love my country, my God. If I take one step my God takes ten steps in reciprocating that love towards me without any return for the love I shower on Him. That sort of love is sacred and eternal. That is the sign of a true love; where there is no expectation but only giving.

Now about friendship, love and friendship can go hand in hand. If both are taken into account in our lives, then there will not be any misunderstanding in our lives. Hence in my view, both love and friendship are the both side of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other one. Kindly see that your love is not one sided affair. *

*Now-a-days it is observed that couples prefer temporary type of relationship; which takes care of the each others’ routine needs. It is termed as live in relationship. It is basically a temporary arrangement and non-enduring relationship which could be dispensed with as we change the diaper of a child when it is soiled – hard words but it is a fact. Here problems confronted are swept under the carpet.It is merely because one party wants his/her need fulfilled with no intrinsic or emotional attachment with each other.

A relationship to be more enduring and purposeful has to be based on mutual love and trust for which each is bound by solemn and holy thread of liking for each other. Where, if one spouse feels pain, it is reflected in other equally or even with more severity. Problems confronted are tackled mutually with respect to each others’ sensibilities. It is not a compromise but a duty to be bound together – sanctified at the Altar, An enduring and lasting pledge to love and care for each other; live and die for each other. It is here that each partner lives for each other. That is the eternal love one should follow where loving relationship exists and not merely shown to exist.

Thus I consider love more important than relationship. But loving relationship is found to be eternal.

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ON BEING LIKED BY OTHERS

ON BEING LIKED BY OTHERS

A deep inside peep-in is a need of the hour
As to why everybody likes my buddy but me not!
Condition for being liked by others
We’ve to first cleanse  filth  from within ourselves
Outer charm may prove to be hideous many a times
Solely because of our inner repulsiveness, whence mucky
Our good traits engender magnetism
Unpleasant ones create frustrating negativism
One of the mirrors of moodiness
Is our facial expressions
Wrong action causes wicked mental vibrations
Our eyes, too give out what’s cooking in our brain
Our likes should be likes for all others without bias
Which happens when we be aware of pain
Whilst somebody else is writhing in pain
Righteous conduct brings in its wake
Stream of likes, – ‘thumsups’
Hypocrisy in our action brings dislikes –‘ thumsdowns’
Besides a sincere smile could make difference
And change even our adversaries
Into never separating allies

O God, bestow us a magic touch

So that anybody coming into contact with us

With love or even hate for us

May be filled with love so enchanting

Literally everlasting.

Life has different meaning for different people. Some people are born with likable nature.  Some people live for themselves caring little what happens to others. They have their own axe to grind. To some life is an empty dream, to others it is pleasure or adventure. Then there are the ones who take comedies and tragedies alike. They live by the percepts of Gita: ‘Do your duty and leave the result to God.’ Fastidious ones are always complaining about anything and everything that come their way. They’ve every comfort but lack the basic taste and pleasure of living a natural life. But for some, life is a serious business – not just a bed of roses but contain thorns too. It goes to show, how we want to live depends solely on us; whether we want to be liked or disliked; choice remains on us only. How best people should like us or dislike us also depends on our behavior towards others. 

We actually make our own space for likes or dislikes. We are the authors of our bright and delusive traits.  When we sow seeds of goodness, will yield fruits of goodness finally and In the process will annihilate the seeds of bad acts. Even during interactions with others, we can come to know why people like particular person (s) and  dislike other(s). In this way, we can adopt those likeable qualities in us,  too. For a person to be likeable, that likeableness should emanate from within. Physical appearance and eternal magnetism with it will last till such time we come in contact with that person and interact. Then we know what others are thinking and feeling and that is true reflection of our likeness. Necessary admiration will certainly come when we show likeable traits like simplicity, humbleness, sense of humanity, compassion etc. 

In the institute where I work, there is a teacher, having all the requisite qualifications for a good teacher, but woefully lacks basic traits of adjustment and hence bereft of any likeability by the students and staff with whom he has to interact. Wheresoever this fellow goes he leaves a trail of unpleasant vibrations.  He fails to learn from his mistakes. There is another teacher just antithesis of this fellow, who though is having less experience in teaching yet knows how to conduct himself. He has a magnetic personality; cheerful, adjusting/flexible, optimistic, having quality of letting go, always accepts his mistakes and makes amends when required, compassionate in nature, and top it all, goes all out that his students follow correct and wholesome path not only in studies but also in real world. In other words, he is totally married to his profession and this marriage is going on wonderfully. When a stranger asked him about his profession he
jokingly replied: his parents admitted him in the school in his childhood and he still is there even in his oldage still schooling!  Who will not like such pure soul. 

In Bhagwad Gita it has been said – We ourselves are our own friend and also our own enemies. We collect a huge reserve of karmic credit when we attain victory over our senses with proper and reasonable understanding. A person becomes his own friend when he knows where his need karma ends and greed karma starts. Such person is the master of his karma and the one who does not have sense control and pursues his greed karma without understanding, is his own enemy. This sort of individual is not liked by others. We should not do anything which may taint our mind. If we do something evil, it causes negative vibrations which are reflected on our face. How such a person could be liked by others?

OUR CONDUCT AND SELF CONTROL

How we conduct ourselves, determines what respect we get from others. When we have cultivated inner beauty then outer appearance could pale into insignificance. We should therefore, look after our body and appearance in a reasonable manner; not overdoing it. It is important how much we nurture our mind and our behavior by which we shall be like or disliked by others. Conciliatory words win friends for us and provocative words enemies.

SINCERITY IN OUR SPEECH AND ACTION

Sincerity is the trait of our soul which our Lord has bestowed in us. The sincerity in our daily behavior is reflected in our speech and action. We have to be humble and exhibit our calmness although we may have immense inner strength. We must have experience of interacting or doing business with some people who overwhelm us with their strong nature. Our sincerity is like a magnet which attracts even those who do not initially agree with our viewpoints but later on when interacting with us may agree with us taking into consideration the sincerity in our behavior.

CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS

The people who have the quality of welfare of others in their heart. These sorts of people are intuitively aware of the requirements of others and try fulfilling them as best as he can. They would like to do something for others – even investing their time and energy besides their money, if required. We should thus practice consideration both in our speech and action. While we are tempted to speak louder and harshly just consider its implications and then modulate the speech accordingly. Kindness and benevolent consideration pay even in any situation or even with a rogue. Even animals understand the language of compassion and understanding. Those who live for others live a life full of joy.  When we meet others needs, God will ‘pay back’ to us even more than what we have parted with.

ACCEPTING THE WILL OF GOD

Those who live God directed life, accept with equanimity with calmness. If somebody misbehaves, ‘let go’ should be our motto rather than reacting in the same manner. This will win us friends ultimately.

SELFLESS SERVICE

When we are able to render help to others in the way we can, it means God has graced us for doing so. When doing so, we should not be showy at all. Our left hand should not know what our right hand is doing. It should always be remembered, when we live for others and do what is possible for us then God would be more benevolent to us. Alternatively, if we are selfish, only interested for ourselves only then why others should be interested in us. No one would care for us then.

IDENTIFYING WITH THE SOUL

We ought to identify ourselves with soul and not with body. Identifying with body means seeking things of temporary value, which end as body dies. Soul can put on any dress; divine traits, humbleness, strong will righteousness; we can change it any time we want. Thus rather than wanting something impermanent, we should aspire for higher values. One who lives a soul oriented life, lives a simple/sublime life – just thanking Bhagwanji for every bounties.

LESS EXPECTATIONS FROM OTHERS

Most of our problems with other arise simply because of our expectations from others. It may be from our spouse, from our friends or relations and when those expectations are not met, we become disenchanted. A feeling of disinterest comes in us. This feeling brings in its wake non-cooperation and breakdown of bond of friendship/relationship. Cultivating the habits of expecting less but giving more will bring us more by way of friends and likings from others. 

Following should be kept in mind if we want to be liked by others:-

Wisdom in the  percept : ‘Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you’ should be followed. Following this, we shall do no harm to others and we shall also be rewarded with liking by others when we do not ill treat others.

•    If our answer to others’ provocations is answered with our silence then there would not be any further chain of provocations hence realization from the provocateurs. 

• When our expectations are not met we tend to be angry and thus dislike for the person concerned. Too much of expectations are therefore not called for.Dig in our inner self to annihilate our enemies like lust, anger, greed, allurements which attach us with our body or with material possessions etc are the delusions which remain haunting us and keep us away from our real self and are also the cause of our discord with others.

  •    When nothing works despite sincere efforts and still nobody like us then we should not get disheartened because God is there to render us help without expectations

  Conclusively, if we want that people should like us, we should first of all change our outlook on life. We should practice being good to others, live a humble life, be empathetic, perfecting sincerity and feeling others’ pain when needed and finally keep in mind where our need based karma starts and greed based karma starts. We should be like a beautiful flower which spreads its fragrance without any discrimination.

Need Advice PLZZZ D: Help so confused?

Need Advice PLZZZ D: Help so confused?

EXPLANATION FROM THE ASKER:

I did post this a few ties apologies if your reading again. and sorry for the annoying title
So I think I like this guy but its a bit more complicated than that Well last year I was introduced to him by a friend and I became friends with him over the course of about 6 months.He gave me him number like 2 weeks after I meet him. I never text him and he never really text me because we saw each other like everyday. He always seemed like he was flirting like he touch my hands or my face and when I got hurt and was in the hospital my friend told him and he text me the day he found out. Now this is all fine until next semester I’m not in any of his classes and we never text but we never did to begin with. I didn’t get to see him much but I thought after the summer I’ll probably have classes with him and I still did not the following year. A few times when I did see him in the hallway though we had a brief conversation before class. When I did use to see him A lto I would always catch him looking at me, but then look away. Even now when I don’t see him that much if I pass him in the hall way I feel like I catch this awkward glance and it always causes me to look away. Unfortunately my friend who was friend with both of us moved away, and the friends I have now don’t really like him at all. I mean when I ask why they never even give me a right answer. It’s now almost summer again and I don’t know what to do. About a month ago though I text him and we chatted for a bit but I didn’t want to seem desperate or anything so I haven’t text him since. I am in my 3rd year of high school and not sure what to do

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Best Answer: 

From the account you have written it is quite evident that your association with this fellow is not deep rooted. It is based entirely on a chance meeting and nothing else. My honest advice to you is that you should complete your studies first with single mindset that you want to accomplish something in life. If, otherwise, somebody somewhere comes your way and you both have a good connectivity in your perception, yes, maintain that relationship. This relationship should be based on sincerity and honesty. Then there is no give and take basis on this account. In that case if one wants something the other have the intuitive know how, how the other is feeling or anything else. A friendship that is developed fleetingly ends fleetingly. No two opinions on this. This should be kept in mind. *

 

*In school and college days, everybody has flings of this nature; which we think to be blooming of relationship but it is not so as days pass. Serious and mature relationship is based entirely on consideration coupled with maturity on both sides. To be sincere, I too felt something of this nature while in school or in my college days. But that just happened and were forgotten. Seemed a dream thereafter; after my studies. Now only a flickering memory is left. Nothing serious.

 

Further, I shall advice you further to devote full time to your studies. Having completed your studies purposefully including some professional course apply for some meaningful employment to be self reliant financially. To be self sufficient financially means much now a days. On this account, your parents who are basically your well wishers will also say the same thing. Then they will also be on the same page as you are with regard to your relationship.

 

For a relationship to be more lasting the following aspects should be taken into account:-

 

1. It should be based on love from both the sides.
2. Decisions should be taken taking into account all the aspects; love, relationship, financial support, etc.
3. Compatibility is a must for a relationship to be more permanent.
4. Support of our parents or other well wishers is a must in case of future need when something untoward takes place.
5. No decision to be taken based entirely on emotions.
6. Head and heart should work in tandem for a relationship to be successful.

 

 

Harbans · 4 years ago

 

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On nervousness and how to remove this malady for a normal living

On nervousness and how to remove this malady for a normal living

 

Excessive excitement disturbs the system, sending too much energy to some parts of the body and too little for others. Uneven distribution of energy or life force creates imbalance to our system thus creating a situation which goes out of control physically and psychologically.

Our body system is a complex one. If something happens to one part, whole of our body is affected and our brain communicates the same through a fine tuned system of our nerves. While facing the ups and downs of our daily routines and others stresses and strains our system fails to withstand the burden the persisting pressure. Also, it is more stretched when we do not know much as to how to handle emergencies/adverse situations. Small small things just pile up putting undue stress on our system creating physical and mental disorders.

Nervousness is a psychological and physiological malady which causes disturbance to our mental state. It results in undue stimulation of our emotions and adversely affects our day to day behavior pattern. Due to the disturbance in the mental state, we are unable to act rationally or in some cases reasonably. In other words, it is more excessive excitement of our senses.

Sometimes, nervousness occurs due to our thought about upcoming results of our efforts or fear of any potential threat to ourselves or to the members of our family or fear of recurrence of an unpleasant natural disaster as has happened in Nepal. The people who have the experience of witnessing this natural disaster will never forget it. It will remain haunting them till their lifetime in the process causing physical and mental trauma.

The potential threat for nervous breakdown may be imaginary or real but causes ripple effect to our internal mechanism of our body. It is due to the fact that any emotional, physical or mental upheaval or upsurge may cause imbalance to the flow of inherent life force as our system can only sustain and withstand the intense disturbance of which we’ve not made habitual of. For example, when there is a sudden power fluctuation, it puts pressure on the wiring system and all the power systems of the household just crash similar is the condition with internal mechanism of our body.

Adverse affects of Nervousness

It has been our common experience that when we are nervous about anything we are unable to focus on the job at hand because the life force which is required in its execution is woefully missing. For execution or fructification of any mission, we require energy, if that energy is sapped by nervousness, what result could we expect from our effort?

The following are adverse implications of nervousness:-

Physical Implications

We are, what we think ourselves to be. If we are unable to rid ourselves of unpredictable fears or remain fearing about the coming events, we cannot focus. A disease which is rampant cannot be healed if we are nervous, for the healing process to come about, it is essential that we generate life force. This is not possible in nervousness.

No Self Realization

It is difficult to have self realization with emotional upsurge inhibiting for a broad based self analysis and plan for cleansing ourselves for journey ahead. This limitation limits our sphere of activity to our worries distressing us. This way, we cannot do daily exercises or remain active for a better health or can do nothing tangible because we are engulfed by contradictions stalling our further growth.

Spiritual Implication

A person who is weak physically cannot devote his/her mind for self analysis for further movement spiritually because disturbed mind is a roadblock for concentration or focus or meditation in for self realization. When the problem of nervousness is persistent we are unable to think, speak, feel or act articulately thus bringing our inspiration level to nil because of rampant fear, delusive doubt at every step of our life. Those who are excessively attached to their ego come to grief ultimately since they remain attached to body and thoughts about their status and finally come to grief.

Spirituality helps us to integrate positive experiences with negatives and try changing negative events into positive experiences one gets over a period of time. With more experiences in our lives, we just gain maturity and tend to accept more others’ viewpoints and adopt those for our benefits without any feeling that this will in any way impact our self esteem. Also, we can cement our tottered relationship with understanding and experiences that we’ve gleaned over a period of time. Change is a must and we must change with time, if need be, change others’ negativity but if others are not accepting our viewpoints then be it – not a big deal. We’re not that great that people should always listen to us. Our spirituality should be just spirituality of flexibility and not to revolt against those who do not come round to our viewpoints.

A person with spiritualistic bent of mind will actually contribute his/her experiences and create a spiritual environment in the society where others too can earn the fruits of spiritualism and not make others uneasy at every step and lose themselves in the bargain.

Spirituality also affords us an opportunity to analyze our problems and we learn to remain calm and thus healing the problem of nervousness. When we are spiritual, we leave everything on our Lord.

Causes of Nervousness

In order to remove the malady from our system, it is a must that we should know about the cause of that malady. Following are some of these:

• Dysfunctions like stress, anger, palpitation, not having confidence to face facts of life, sleepless and likely implications, depression due to some persistent incidents.

• Fear of failure. We all must have experienced how students feel before their examination; called examination fever. Many a times, even the most gifted students feel so. So much so stressed they feel that some take extreme step under the influence of unpredictability of outcome.
• Fear about imminence of death. This happens only to those who do not know about the mortality of body and immortality of soul. Death may come at any moment but our soul is immortal that should be a great solace and there should not be any fear about it. Idea is death will help us attain new body, a new beginning and chances of acquiring new experiences.
• Fear about adjustment at workplace or fear after some specific situations; fear about the recurrence of adverse situation.
• Food habits and the type of food we eat. Our immune system too is responsible creating stress and strain.
• Recurrence of incidents of nervousness due to past incidents which are difficult to forget easily.

Taking into consideration the above, it is evident that if we bank excessively more on our Creator then we shall not have any anxiety or fear or nervousness because our Lord would be there to care for us. But we have to have a sincere belief in Him.

Guru Granth Sahib: O Nanak, do not be anxious, the Lord will take care of you.

Holy Bible : Turn all your anxieties over to God because He cares for you.

Holy Quran: Any who believes in his Lord has no fear, either of loss or of any

injustice.

Bhagwad Gita: He by whom no being gets agitated and who is not agitated by any being and who is free from enjoyment, anger, fear and fluster, is very dear to me.