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Monthly Archives: July 2015

Can insulting or abusing others increase our status or position in any institution or society at large? What should be done to keep ourselves away from such situations?

Can insulting or  abusing others increase our status or position in any institution or society at large? What should be done to keep ourselves away from such situations?

I opine, a person who insults others or pulls others down on silly pretext to prove a point or showcase his/her superiority is out-and-out an inferior person. Instead of elevating his/her social position in society at large, one would eventually find such person increasingly isolated due to his/her despicable and uncalled for behavior. While living in the society, we’ve to adopt all the social etiquettes, social mores of behavior, adjust with the environs in which we are living. If we are a single person and living in an isolated island, then we’re free to move or act in a manner we want. But It should never be forgotten that we’re what others think about us not the other way around. A fastidious or arrogant person can browbeat us for sometime but his writ will not last for long. Weirdness in behavior is bad for the person concerned too.

Let us begin by thinking about the various kinds of insults that are which are showered on us.

  1. Direct or Indirect verbal Insults. There are, of course, verbal insults, which can be either direct or more commonly, indirect. Examples of indirect verbal insults are jokes and tongue in cheek like comments, backhanded compliments, imitation, and exaggerated praise while nothing is warranted.
  2. Indirect Insults through different expressions. We can read or decipher coming insults from facial expressions, accent in speech, unjustified smile or raised eye brow etc could point out the indirect insult, Then there are much more obviously physical insults such as hitting, slapping, or spitting.
  3. Cold shouldering or Cold Behaviour. When somebody is avoiding us and not recognizing our potential or worse still, they do not recognize our existence! This is worst kind of insinuation that a person could be subjected to. Incidents of this nature take place in our offices. The superior officers castigate their subordinates sometimes without any perceptible reason. The incidences like; avoiding contact with them, not calling for their assistance when required, lowering their self esteem in front of others, studiously not making eye contact etc. The end result is: demoting such persons despite being proficient in their jobs, This has worst implications for the person concerned since he/she loses self confidence and may be self esteem also after sometimes. How long somebody can put up with such insults?
  4. Irrational Criticism. Healthy criticism does a world of good to us since we learn from our mistakes by improving on the subject matter we need improvement. But when it comes to irrational criticism i.e. when none is warranted or exaggerated criticism by which person concerned may lose his/her self confidence or self esteem is bad.
  5. Insults hurled by our relatives. We’ve examples of mother-in-laws insulting newly married daughter-in-law – causes may be’ bringing less dowry or any other concocted cause(s) / reason(s) making the life of the newly wed difficult. Many suicide cases have resulted due to these undue insults. I came across two cases of such abuses by the in-laws. I came across two cases of two hapless girls (aged between 25-30 years) to admit their children to the school with Court strictures that their children should not be allowed to meet their respective father, mother-in-law or any other in-law relations since these girls were tormented and forced to take Court’s protection for their safety and security.
  6. Insult of old parents. We’ve examples of abuse of old parents by their own, now grown up and financial affluent offspring. It is really a crying shame since these parents have given their children everything while they required their assistance, now these aged parents require somebody to take care of them. Such instults to the parents have become a commonplace thing.

So, what is the best way to deal with any or all of these insults?

  1. No anger – Anger is no solution to insult. This is the weakest possible natural response. It shows that we are taking the person who insults us very seriously and that is why we are provoked. Also, seemingly it also shows that there may be some truth for the insult to be hurled on us. And finally it causes pain to us that is why we get angry. But this anger is not good for us. We ought to analyse as to why we’re being pulled up or sullied and take a principled stand when required. No more anger because it does not solve any problem but it makes the matter more complex.
  2. Acceptance sometimes may be best course of action. When somebody insults us, we should think whether the person concerned is right in insulting us. May be fault lies with us. Here accepting the fault and amending ourselves is the right course. Also, we’ve to examine the source of our insult. If the person concerned is reasonably correct then apportioning the blame for our insult is the better course of action. Here taking offence may jeopardize our position.

Personally, I respect the person who insulted or criticize me, I ought to give thought to the reason of insult or criticism and learn as much as I can from this positive criticism. On the other hand, if I think that the person who insulted me is not worthy then I take as though that person does not exist for me. I just disconnect. I may be wrong, but this has helped me in having self esteem besides providing an opportunity to tackle any situation that may arise. Clearly resorting to offense is not my cup of tea.

We come across people who pull others down in order to prove their superiority over others. This is more so In our offices. The subordinates are treated as if they are more for browbeating and fodders for proving their superiority of their superiors than anything else. Also, criticism when used negatively tantamount to be an abuse which should always be handled with care and caution lest it impacts our self confidence.

3.   Others’ needs should never be ignored. Think about what the other person wants. People don’t start fights for no reason. Think about what they’re hoping to get from you. Are they trying to intimidate you? Are they trying to make you look stupid / incompetent in front of others? Are they expecting you to cry or break down? Are they trying to start an argument? Think before you react since you don’t want to give them the satisfaction of making you upset.

4. Change as per the wishes of others provided it is possible. If I am in predicament and other party persists in insulting or downsizing me, I try to change to the extent possible i.e. which is permissible socially and ethically. Just think about the context of the point of difference for which difference has crept up. The person may be downsizing you realizing your vulnerability simply because he/she is in a position of authority. I think walking away from that situation is the best course of action provided this may not be construed as a weakness and more insinuations may follow. Otherwise situation may handled with dexterity. If you feel that you are mistaken, just accept that and amend your mistake. Arguments will not be a better solution. Better still would be; take the assistance of your well-wishers.

May be he/she does not want that you should not come in his/her way while that fellow is exerting his authority and in the process lowering your social status in front of others. Or worse still want to show off in front of his/her superiors or subordinate that he/she could do this if need be. This could be termed as muzzling the discontent in some cases and in others it could be showing off.

If it is not, then I just bid for time with the realization that with time things get settled. Secondly, acting as though that fellow does not exists in this world and whatever he/she tell or acts hardly matters for me. Thirdly, if that fellow still persists then it is better to talk straight and make him/her realize my point of view vis-à-vis the contentious point(s) for which there is difference of opinion (if at all there is one). Fourthly, if nothing comes out of the honest and sincere discussions then exercising my right as a citizen of a civilized country. Be on your own. Exert yourself and do which is beneficial to you; taking into cognizance pros and cons of disassociating with the person. Fifthly, if still nothing happens then finally, I will ask for my Creator’s assistance. Whatever is His bidding to me, I shall act accordingly no matter what is the consequence; with a view that His …..

If the situation warrants, just walk away from it all as though nothing has happened. Your opponent may want you to continue, as he/she is bent upon washing the dirty nelon in the public. Or just smile vaguely and excuse yourself.

We also observe sometimes that a person may use double meaning sentence or a phrase and if it seems bad we can point this out; if we think that has indirect inference for us puncturing our emotions. The other party may say. It was a joke and come clean about it all! This happens many a times.

Let people live their own life

  1. Having a healthy balance solves much of our problem. In other words, equanimity pays. One who keeps cool despite adverse situations comes out unscathed ultimately. Bhagwad Gita has rightly enunciated: To whom praise and insult are same, who is silent, content with anything, who is without a home, with unwavering mind, a person who is such a devotee is dear to me.
  2. Do not be judgemental and why cannot we be good to the people.
  3. Excuse yourself out of that situation turning your attention to something else.
  4. Responding to the insinuation / insult. In the first instance we should try to know as to why we are being pulled up. If mistake lies with us, we’ve to mend our way. If need be, seek the assistance of others, who could help you sort things out. If still nothing works, just ask the person who is insulting you what does he/she wants. If it is within your power and ethically corrct, the same could be done. If it is not ethically and socially correct then it should be told to the person as to why you are unable to comply giving plausible explanation warranted by situation.
  5. If need be just change the subject. This could be done while dealing with friends and in social gathering.
  6. Paying back in the same coin may not be good for us. Bible has rightly pronounced: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but on the contrary blessing; knowing that you are unto this called, that you should inherit a blessing.
  7. If somebody Insults our child on routine basis. The parents should never ignore the teasing or insults that is being hurled to their children routinely by others. Either problems has to be sorted out between the children, if not then with the interaction with the parents of the children, if still no solution is found out then the matter could be taken to the school for the intervention of concerned teachers for sorting out the problems. If still nothing works then? Taking this as a challenge, there are two courses left: either let the time element come into play or act in such a manner that the concerned children do not meet with each other. Taking out the child from the school should be the last resort.

If we want to insulate ourselves from insults then:-

  • Never insult others.
  • Be polite evern in hostile environs.
  • Keep cool.
  • Insult is sometimes beneficial – have experience about this aspect.
  • When situation goes out of control just call the bluff but keeping full self composure.

 It should never be forgotten that others too have self esteem, if we insult others, it may boomerang on us ultimately as how long SHOW OFF lasts? 

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Posted by on July 25, 2015 in Inner Thoughts

 

GURU HAR KRISHAN JI ( HIS BIRTH DAY IS ON 23 JULY )

GURU HAR KRISHAN JI
( HIS BIRTH DAY IS ON 23 JULY )

Akalpurakh is the most benevolent
He sends His messengers to this planet
Who make a huge difference by their acts of wisdom
And self sacrifice at the cost of lives of their own.


This messenger of God was born on 23 July 1656
To Sri Guru Har Rai & mother Sulakni ji
He was eighth of Ten Sikh Gurus Jis’
Succeeding his illustrious father Sri Guru Rai Ji
Surprisingly being only of five years!
The youngest amongst all the Guru Sahibans
Being gracious and soft at heart
Leaving his elder brother
Due to his collision with Mughal empire.

There was an incredible incident in Gurudwara
Near Ambala at Panjokhra
A Sanskrit learnt person challenged the Guruji
To explicitly explain the verses from Bhagwad Gita
Lo & behold, Guruji just pointed a stick at Gangu Jheevar
An illiterate with no literacy to bank on – a total blank
Surprised everyone
By speaking out sermons of Bhagwad Gita to the perfection.

Thence Guruji came to Delhi at Gurudwara Balaji
Where large populace came to have dharshan of Guruji
But as ill luck would have it
There was, in and around Delhi, smallpox epidemics
Guruji with his soft emotional feelings
Brimming with love for hapless populace
Took upon himself their ailment happily!
In the process became too weak to move
Refused taking any treatment for cure!
Called for five coins and a coconut for a purpose
Waved his hand three times in the air
And told that his successor be found in Bakala in Punjab
Thence he left his body at the age of seven!
He lived for others and left his mortal body for others
He advised his disciples/sangat
To respect the will of Almighty God
And praise Him and do not feel disappointed
At his untimely demise which was for hapless
Examples of which we find rare in the annals of history.

Gurudwara Bangla Sahib is built
Place of which was gifted by Raja of Rajesthan
After Sri Guruji, with his mystic power
Fulfilled Raja’s litmus test of recognizing
His queen amongst several ladies lining
Surprise of surprises, Guruji did this without even a moment losing

Where Guruji provided succor to epidemic strickens
And left for his ultimate journey
Though less in age as year count
Yet mature in sagacity
Bestowed by our Creator
May Guruji’s legacy continue inspiring us humans
Generations after generations.

HARBANS KHAJURIA

 

GURU is a Sanskrit word meaning teacher or master or a preacher. One who is knower of religious gyan or the one who transmits wisdom to the disciples. Guru has two syllables: GU means shadows & RU who disperses. Taken together GURU is the one who removes darkness (shadow) by the light of knowledge. The Spiritual Guru or self realized master,  who is powerhouse of spiritual knowledge and enlighten the people in general and make their lives sublime, meaningful besides connecting us to our Creator. In other words,the Guru is a saintly person who enlightens the disciples with knowledge absolute and changes our lives with the enlightenment.

 

In Sikhism, GURU is the source of knowledge – the Temporal Lord. Sikh Gurus are very important for the Sikh religion. Here there is a strong relationship between Shishya (disciple) or student and master. The central belief of Sikhism is ONE GOD besides TEN GURUS which have been given in GURU GRANTH SAHIB (Sikh Holy Book) .

The following are the Ten Gurus of Sikhs:-

  1. Guru Nanak Devji (1469-1539).
  2. Guru Angadji (1504-52).
  3. Guru Amardasji (1552-74).
  4. Guru Ramdasji ( 1574-81).
  5. Guru Arjan Devji (1581-1606).
  6. Guru Har Gobindji (1606-45)
  7. Guru Har Raiji (1630-61).
  8. Guru Har Krishanji (1661-64).
  9. Guru Teg Bahadurji (1675-1708).
  10. Guru Gobind Singhji (1675-1708).

 

Guru Har Krishan Ji was born on 23 July 1656 at Kiratpur Sahib. He was the second son of Guru Har Rai and mother Krishan Rai. The name of the first son being Ram Rai who was disinherited due to his anti-Guru Ghar activities. He was the Eighth Guru of ten Gurus of Sikhism. He was made eighth Sikh Guru on 20th October 1664 by his father Guru Har Raiji before his death. Harkrishan ji following the principles dear to his father Guru Har Raiji.

Pandit Lal Chand challenged Guruji for Gita’s philosophy. With Guruji’s blessings an illiterate person named Chhaju Ram expounded the philosophy of G ita with ease. Due to this miracle, Pandit Lal Chand got influenced and became a true sikh.


Guru Harkrishan was of tender age of only FIVE years when he attained Guruship which is obviously an achievement in spirituality which very few attained taking into consideration the human history.
The decision of Guru Har Rai made his elder son infuriated so much so that he complained to Emperior Aurangzeb about this decision. A message was consequently conveyed to the young Guru to meet him. In the first instant, Guruji was reluctant to meet the emperor but finally decided to meet him at Delhi. Emperor wanted to test the acumen and wisdom of Guruji. He had two large trays; in one some precious ornaments, clothes and toys were kept and in other holy man’s cloak and other things were kept. These two trays were presented to Guru Harkrishan for choosing one of these. He chose the latter thus proving his holiness.


While Guru Harkrishanji was staying at Delhi, (a Gurdwara named Bangla Sahib was built where he stayed serving common masses without bias) at that time there spread an epidemic of smallpox and cholera consequent to which there were many deaths. Guruji attended these epidemic stricken people thus exposing himself to these dreaded diseases. In this way, he served the mankind without any discrimination of caste and creed and without caring for his own life – that is rarest of rare selfless service found in the annals of history.


Guru Har Rai ji passed away on 20th October 1661 thereupon despondency engulfed amongst the disciples. But Guru Harkrishan consoled his disciples and advised them to abide by the wishes of the Almighty God. He also told his disciples to sigh the praises of God and not to weep or feel despair.
Guru Harkrishan exhorted his disciples to keep have virtue of patience. He had an extraordinary ability to explain from the passages of Granth Sahib. In this way, Guru Harkrishan kept the legacy of Gurus intact. So much so he was immersed in humanitarian task that he himself was seized with high fever which turned into an attack of smallpox which resulted him to be confined to bed for many days.

 

While serving the suffering people from the epidemic day and night,  suddenly one day Guru Har Krishan, due to incessant assistance of the people suffering from epidemics of smallpox and cholera, he was taken ill with a fever. The fever turned out to be the beginning of an attack of smallpox symptoms, due to which he was perforce confined to bed for several days. The Guru’s tender body was deteriorated by the disease and thereafter Akalpurakh called him for fulfilling some other mission.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2015 in Inner Thoughts

 

THERE IS NOTHING LOST !

THERE IS NOTHING LOST !

 

Whilst things are incredibly hazy

Nothing works as we want and have gone crazy

If we cling on to our festering problems – pure mental

Rather than unpolluted existential

Then we keep on going deep into quagmire

Of our own making

Based solely on worldly things

Like our hurts, our fears and our angers

And thus get submerged into our ego based black sea,

 

Even then there’s nothing lost

If we shut and put a powerfully built lid to our past

And wander inside

We’ll find an ocean so tranquil

Which will keep us away from turmoil

Wonder of wanders it is not

so distant – just inside us all!

Need is just to peep deep

Shutting the five doors of mind tight

Focus inward and see the luminous light

Of sixth sense = the intuition

And our dark hazy situations

Get just evaporated in a jiffy

For innate light is really

Mystic than what we witness

With our eyes open wide

Such is the sight inside so wonderful

Which is difficult to portray in words

For, really words seem empty ones

That’s what we can fathom

So fellows nothing is lost

If something earthy is lost

We’ve our treasure inside us only

Need is to see it with sincerity.

 

 

HARBANS KHAJURIA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2015 in Inner Thoughts

 

What is fasting and explain its benefits. Also what are the religious fasts and Eid-Ul-Fitr.

What is fasting and explain its benefits. Also what are religious fasts and Eid-Ul-Fitr.

FASTING

Food sustains our life is an undisputed fact

Proves harmful when aimlessly taken

When taken more than our requirement of body

Forces our digestive system to work more ultimately

Producing fatty contents in excess

Than our body actually requires

Being obese is the result of excessive food consumption

Which impairs our body constitution.

Fasting is a willful restraint

From intake of food material

Giving a needed break to our digestive system

In the process regulating the body metabolism

In sync with our body’s requirements

Thus ensuring sound health & wellbeing

And live life in association with Super Being.

 

 
Fasting or not eating food for a fixed or for a per-determined period of time with a view to giving our digestive system some break or rest consequently keeping the body free of extra fats and toxins so as to focus on the job at hand without bodily interruptions besides offering prayers to our Lord with ease and peace.

In other words, fasting is intentional skipping of intake of food material, drinks or sometimes both for a fixed or sometimes for a prolonged period of time. It may be for a complete day (24 hours) from early morning to evening (dawn to dusk) or early morning on a particular day to the morning of next day. Then the fasting could be continuously or intermittent; depending on the body requirement or for the intended purpose of observance of fast as a religious tradition being followed in some religions.


While in intermittent fasting, we remain without food, for a fixed time-span and then eat at a set time but in continuous fasting we remain without food for a long period of time – say from morning to the following morning of the day or still more for more days at a stretch.


Fasting is both for regulating and energizing the body metabolism by pepping up / streamlining the digestive system so as to keep the body free of the extra fats and toxins besides keeping the body’s carbohydrates (sugar) synchronized with the need of our body. With slower and regulated metabolism, means our body organs can work for a longer period of time thus prolonging our age.


Then fasting too is undertaken as a religious observance.


Hindu fast on religious and sacred days or on the religious festivals like: Navratris, Puranmashi (Puranmashi is the full moon day in traditional Indian calendar), Ekadshi (Ekadashi is the eleventh day of both the dark and light fortnight of each month), Maha Shivratri (auspicious time for Maha Shivaratri puja activities like Fasting and prayers are performed), Ramnavmi (Fasting observed on the birthday of the Lord Ram) , Krishna Janamashthmi (fasting on the birthday of Lord Krishna) besides many other festivals connected with Demi Gods and fasts relevant to local populace of a particular locality.

The Christians skip their desire for food and instead devote time in seeking God. Meaning, the time spent on preparation of food etc could meaningfully be utilized for prayers and meditation on the Word. This fasting time could be per-determined and hunger for food could be compensated with hunger for the Lord. Jesus fasted from all food and drink. The Bible also describes some extreme times when people fasted.

 

The Muslims observe fasts in the month of Ramadan or Ramzan. It is a sacred month since Holy Quran was revealed in this month. The word Ramadan has been driven from the Arabic word ramaida meaning intense heat accompanied with dryness of ground. It is called so since it amounts to driving out sins with our good deeds like offering charity and keeping away or desisting from all body enjoyments etc along with intense penance by following the practice of fasting.


The word “fasting” (sawm) literally means ‘to refrain’ – means desisting from not only from food and drinks but also from unethical thoughts and actions which sully our thoughts and actions besides following all the guidance in letter and spirit enunciated in the Holy Quran. In other words, it is not merely restraint from food and drink but also our resolve as to how to control the urge of hunger and thirst besides devote ones energies on prayers thus gain spiritually. This way, the devout learn the traits of self discipline through self restraints too. The fast is broken at sunset before recitation from Holy Quran and thus being in connectivity with Allaha. The fast is broken with a sip of water and some dates.

Fasting is done as an exercise of keeping oneself away from certain activities which prevent devout from being spiritually aesthetical both physically and emotionally. Thus desisting from taking anything and keep oneself away from worldly pleasures i.e. humdrum of eating drinking or even being away from thinking about anything like lust etc and divert all the energies to prayers – five times. Having abstinence means devoting much of time and resources on charities besides prayers infuses self discipline and ushers in all round development in the individual.


Everybody may be aware about IFTAR party – a social event where fast is broken. Here meal is shared with friends and others. Free meals are also served for the general public too at this get-together.


  • Ramadan is more than fasting. The entire month is devoted to prayers, internal cleansing, charity etc.

  • The devout devote all his/her energies to focus on God.

  • No compromise on the practice self restraint – physical or mental.

  • Re-evaluate lives in the light of Islamic guidance.

  • Forget and forgive those who wronged.

  • Purify our lives physically and emotionally besides our thoughts and actions. A devotee thus adopts the qualities of head and heart.

  • Fasting helps self awareness / self enlightenment.
  • Saves a devout from distractions and create the traits associated with sincerity and simplicity.

  • Restraint helps us discipline ourselves besides a person turns inward with regular prayers.

 

HEARTIEST FELICITATIONS ON THE AUSPICIOUS DAY OF EID-UL-FITR (THE FEAST OF FAST BREAKING).

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God may bestow wisdom and resilience, in ample measure, for bringing dawn of peace, cooperation, goodwill, compassion and brotherhood among peoples of world. As we all are the creations of a single CREATOR, we should cement our love with each other and help each other meet our needs and never have ill-will for our fellow brethren.

After regular observance of fasst with devotion and piety for a period of one month during Ramadhan, devotees celebrate – Eid Day means a day of joy, a day of spreading love and affection, a day to spread fellow feeling besides a feeling of being pure after the observance of fast for one month.

Let this EID and coming EIDS be the torchbearer of our prosperity with Allaha’s Grace. Lets pray that the fervor and enthusiasm of EID remain etched in our hearts for ever and let this festival lasts for eternity with all its benefits.

 

EID MUBARAKH TO ALL

Eid-ul-fitr – after the month long observance of fast,

Based entirely on article of faith,

Having purified body, soul and mind with fasting,

For the complete holy month of Ramzan / Ramadhan,

Being close to our benevolent One,

It is the anniversary on which Holy Quran

Was revealed by most revered Prophet Mohammed

Chaste in fasting without forgetting our duties,

Towards all,

Dear to us – leaving none,

Or the ones who are forlorn,

Meet their needs with utmost compassion,

Brimming with belief while performing donation,

And our heart feeling pain at others’ pain,

Thus bridging the gap that exists,

Between people of different hues,

Awash with fervor thoroughly,

Also overflowing with of empathy,

Thus generating hope for the hopeless,

Thence engendering basket-ful of goodwill,

Of fond trust,

That there will dawn as a result,

A day which binds all humanity with a holy thread,

Of oneness, and brotherhood,

Sustained and in fact enhanced.

 

HARBANS KHAJURIA

 

 

 

 

 

 
2 Comments

Posted by on July 15, 2015 in Inner Thoughts

 

SOME OF THE SALIENT POINTS ON FRIENDSHIP.

Some of  salient points on friendship.

 

Question is; when doubt haunts, where to go? Who could be there to fall back when all other channels of communication just fail to click? Either it is family /family friend or it is our own friend to whom we can bank on for pulling us out of such straits.

 

It is a fact that man is a social animal. Being so, man cannot content living in isolation. Social interaction for meeting his/her social, emotional and instinctive needs is a must. For meeting these obligations, sometimes, close physical presence is a must.

 

Friends are not available like market commodity – which we can pick and choose of our choice. What sort of friend we want to have, depends upon our intelligence, temperaments, cultural background, environments to which we are associated besides our financial status vis-à-vis our own position in all these factors. Although financial status is not of much value for a true friendship.

We’ve example of Lord Shri Krishna and Shri Sudama. Sudhama was one of the best friends of Krishna while Sri Krishna was at Varindavan and He showed that a true friend does not break his/her bond of friendship when circumstances are  unfavourable. Lord Krishna met His old chum at Dwarka, paid him all respects – even washed his feet besides showering Sudhama with bounties on his departure. Fair weather friends are not reliable. They are your friends when you’re having everything and when your destiny is unfavourable, they conveniently turn their back.

 

It goes to show that a friendship require the qualities of respecting the privacy of others, helping each other whenever there is a need and also not forgetting the days spent together.

 

Then the much acclaimed friendship between Sri Radha Rani and Sri Krishana is based on simplicity, sincerity, truth, peace, selfless love, truth, service, and above all trust.

 

Internet has given us tremendous incentive to communicate with vast majority of people without physical closeness besides bridging the gap of distance involved. Here a queer sort of friendship develops; initially hesitatingly then picks up tempo depending upon case to care. This friendship also does not give credence to colour, caste, age, religion or any other consideration. While everything goes well, it is welcome. Although men are different in many ways yet none can deny oneness in each one of us. Humanity binds us together in its thread – basic human traits, instincts and emotions are fundamentally the same. These superficial bonds are broken by online net communication. For this we have facebook, skyp, wordsapps etc with whom we share or exchange or chat our ideas and communicate.

 

We hardly can communicate our inner conflicts, contradictions that we encounter in our day to day lives with a total stranger to whom you do not have much knowledge. Here care and caution has to be exercised that this online friendship may not cross the limit wherein we are duped by somebody unknown to us personally. If online frauds are any guide, we’ve to educate our children to keep a healthy distance from online cheats masquerading; awaiting with their sinister designs to strike. Online cheating has become a daily phenomenon. Hence it is all the more essential for us to be more cautious about choosing such friends.

 

According to the Bible: True friendship is characterized by love. The example of friendship between David and Jonathan is worth emulating. A true friend loves, gives sound advice, remains loyal, forgives, and promotes the other’s welfare when there is a need.

 

‘One who takes up a friend to please Allah, has reserved for himself a house in Paradise.’ Says the Holy Quran.

 

In Sri Granth Sahib friendship with women is mentioned as: “We are born of woman, we are conceived in the womb of woman, we are engaged and married to woman. We make friendship with woman” .

 

The Supreme Living Being is perfect in all relations with His pure devotee. Bhagwad Gita.

 

TRAITS OF GOOD FRIENDSHIP

 

Sincerity and friendship. Sincerity in friendship is one of the prime need. If we are not sincere in our words and deeds, our friendship is just a wafer-thin. To make it enduring and cementing, we have to bring in factor of sincerity as one of constituent.

 

  • Selflessness and friendship. Selfishness and friendship do not go hand in hand. A friendship to be more enduring has to be erected on the edifice of selflessness besides and a firm belief.

 

  • True friendship requires the qualities of head and heart. A good friend is the one who supports us instinctively and emotionally besides being intelligent to understand the needs of a friend.

 

  • Healthy Criticism & Friendship. It is a axiomatic that we learn and improve ourselves if somebody criticizes our way of thinking, how best to adapt to a situation, failure to judge and perceive a situation. Only a selfless friend could do this.

 

  • Does not show his/her back when we’re passing through adverse financial stringency. That friend should be all weather friend.
    A true friend does not stand on ceremony on silly pretext.

 

  • Trust and loyalty. Friendship is based on trust and loyalty. Whatever he/she does commands respect and his/her loyalty is never a suspect.

 

  • Advisor when need be. A true friend listens our advice and whenever there is a need and takes advice from friend when required. In other words, it is not a one way traffic.

 

  • Knows us thoroughly. A true friend is the one to whom we know thoroughly; weaknesses and strong points. If somebody tells us otherwise about that fellow, we will not believe that version of the statement since we already know ins and outs about a true friend.

 

  • Forgiving and forgetting. A person who forgives and forgets our mistakes and help us to make amends in our way of thinking and acting.

 

  • Friend is not Judgemental. He is the person who judges our thoughts and actions as per the importance it deserves – appreciates when appreciation is required but criticizes when healthy criticism is required for clearing the air.

 

Taking into account some of the factors cited above, we can have enduring and eternal friendship by adopting these points in our daily routines between:

  • Friendship between Creator and creation.

 

  • Friendship between two individuals.

 

  • Friendship between husband and wife.

 

  • Friendship between parents and offspring.

 

  • Friendship between different counties.

 

  • Friendship between strange individuals.

 

  • Friendship between humans and animal / bird world.

 

  • Friendship between sworn enemies based on respect and understanding for humanity sake.

**********

 
9 Comments

Posted by on July 10, 2015 in Inner Thoughts

 

CARE OF OLD AGED & CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

 CARE OF OLD AGED & CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

 

We all know that the medical science has increased the life span of the people but it has caused alarming concern for the age-related problems i.e. the longevity in age has not provided solution to the resultant problems that long age entails! Although some concern has been echoed in some societies yet it is not in commensurate with the prevalent problem that prolongation in age brings with it.

 

It is a undisputed fact that all the individuals require three things for their survival and progress for a happy living. Firstly, it is residence for living, food for subsistence or upkeep of the body, medicare for keeping the body medically fit for performing the various functions, clothing and education to evolve and transfer knowledge (gyan) to the society. Secondly, enhancement of education for all round development of body, mind and spirit. Thirdly, the infinite happiness is ensured when the first two factors are fully met with our sincere efforts.

 

It is also a fact that in the childhood and adolescent periods the child is fully dependent on the parents. On adulthood and after getting education, individual becomes self dependent. MIddle-age too is a period when we sweat for the family welfare. Thereafter, there is onset of oldage – a period when the same individual who handled everything with dexterity becomes dependent on others for all the needs. Though a huge paradox yet a reality which we all have to face and sometimes live with.

 

The basic necessity is that the aged and infirm (differently abled and gifted children) should feel wanted, supported, assisted, feel secure and happy. Besides the opinion of the aged should be respected, as it used to be while they are active and earning for the entire family. The role played by the Oldage Homes, NGOs, orphanages etc is really laudable but they’ve their own problems while carrying out the affairs of these homes. This is partly due to financial constraints and partly due to mismanagement of these homes.

 

We all know that before the advent of industrial revolution and globalization people used to live in the joint families. The old people were in demand and their opinion respected. They enjoyed playing with their grandchildren besides handling light jobs, if and when required. Presently joint family system has been replaced with nuclear one; oftenly away from their ancestral homes; where both the spouses perforce have to work because of family demands. This puts a break in the communication between young and the old people. Not to speak of this, as both the spouses are constrained to work therefore they remain absent from their new residential accommodation thus leaving their children to the care of somebody else or worse still offspring are left to fend for themselves! Leaving behind children at home without proper care means being influenced by extraneous elements and occasionally at cross purposes to the value system which the old family system might have given. Violence in our schools and colleges is the direct result of not giving value time to our children.

 

The parents who nurture their children with unconditioned love and affection besides imparting value system, these fortunate children too spread and express the same toward others in the society. When these parents grow old they too get the same sort of love and affection from their children because they’ve grown up with excellent norms of behavior/value system. Here mother has a special role to play.

 

In Indian context, when parents earn, they spend all their earnings on their offspring; for their upbringing, for their educational pursuits, for enhancing their professional qualifications etc besides spending their pensionary benefits for procurement of a dwelling unit. Finally, these hapless people do not have anything left for meeting their basic oldage requirements (like food, clothes, medicines etc) thus have to fend for themselves besides losing their status, financial stability and social identity.

 

All round down-slide in the stature of old people, impinges on their dignity, independence, and freedom too which adversely affects their health and the last resort for them, perforce, is to await their impending death. Problem is compounded when their children leave them for better opportunities abroad or in the metropolitan cities; far away from their homes! I am also appalled by the spate of killing of old people in Delhi and other metropolitan cities. This shows how vulnerable they are because of their being nobody to protect them. I am telling this because came across some examples. In one of the cases, parents taught their two sons; spending everything they had on their upbringing, education etc. due to which one is a surgeon presently in America and the other one is an Engineer who has migrated to Australia – woefully leaving their aged and infirm (mother is bedridden) parents to fend for themselves. What a pity? Heartless and I should say shameful act.

SOME SUGGESTED SOLUTIONS

 

  • For differently abled and gifted children. More often than not it has been observed that there is reluctance in adoption of children with special needs. They require individual attention for their upbringing. Every civil society should think of adopting not only the children with sound health but also those who need more care and protection because of their special needs. For these children, orphanage should be the last resort/choice. Not that care and protection is suspect there but because the children could get physical and emotional support from homes which is lacking in orphanages because of more number of such children. Home atmosphere creates secure and healthy feeling for these children.

 

  • Social Security/Pension to the aged & Rehabilitation / disability support. Government run or voluntary organizations can chip in and play important role in making the people especially the young ones aware of the necessity of taking care of old people. They should visit oldage homes/orphanages for spreading awareness amongst them or should be educated sthrough media, net etc.

 

  • Post Retirement Financial Management. After retirement, flow of money will not be as during service period. Therefore, it is important that retirement benefits such as gratuity, commutative reimbursement, leave encashment, provident fund available etc should be deposited judiciously so that monthly flow of money continues post-retirement. Financial security means freedom to spend and financial stringency means no freedom to spend while one needs money. It has been seen that retirees spend these retirement benefits on purchase of homes, meeting the expenditure on children thus drying the flow of finance when it is seemingly required in the oldage. Some selfish children, knowing fully well their old parents do not have much left and therefore they do not care for them – exception may be there in this.

 

  • Oldage Home – Daily need support (physical & emotional). More HOMES FOR AGED should be opened so that their physical and emotional needs could be met there to the extent possible.
  • Community Services / Employment. It should never be forgotten that old age is ware-house of knowledge and experience along with wisdom. The old people should be employed in community services or informal institution so that they could contribute their experience besides remaining busy and not feeling left out. Here non-governmental organizations should come forward for assistance.

 

  • Information on Facilities/Concessions granted by the Government for Senior Citizens. It should be the endeavor of power that be to provide information on the facilities or concessions which are available for the senior citizens – in the form of railway concessions, air concessions, old age pension, homes for oldage, etc.

 

  • Oldage and Spirituality. In oldage, as the health goes downswing and also time hangs large on old people thus boredom knocks at the door. We’ve to make concerted efforts to utilize the time available with us meaningfully. How best we can do so depends on our sincere efforts despite handicaps. The best thing is to make conscious effort to connect with our Lord. Time just passes when we’re in sync with His bountiful presence. Connectivity with our Creator means enternal peace, calmness and a life bereft of attachment. Then even our discrepancies of any sort do not haunt us.

 

Finally the main purpose is to not to identify ourselves with the body but with the soul of which it is a vehicle and thus spend our oldage with abandon. In God-consciousness, we are blissful. There is thus a positivity even in utter unhappy situation. When a thinking dawns that soul never dies then we become detached from pain or we do not have fear of oldage. This is possible only when we’re spiritually awakened.

 

CARE FOR  OLDAGED PEOPLE

Reaching oldage is just a natural phenomenon  

After experiencing life’s ups and downs

That the life gives to everyone
The entire life span that a person lives

Childhood problems are solved by love ones

Support comes with a single cry

Teenage years are spent with no care
In middle age we perspire

For the well-being of the family

Give unconditioned love and affection to all

Without even an iota of bias
Till oldage knocks our door suddenly

A period when every organ of our body

Under performs naturally
When our hands get numb easily
The same hands which had handled much during our life time!

Now everything slips from these
And legs can hardly carry our own weight
Get immensely tired on slightest movement
Have a tottering gait
Reflexes have gotten degraded
Cheeks have shriveled
Thinking cap has just collapsed
Thus we’re totally dependent on others
For meeting our daily needs
Including, sometimes for meeting nature’s call

To such a pitiable state we’ve fell

Now we’re spoon fed like a little child!
If somebody is there to take care
We’re grateful for the one who provides us succour.
Fortunate are the ones who are helped by others at oldage
Such compassionate persons are dearest to our Lord

They earn His graces aplenty

Thus living always in His connectivity.

HARBANS KHAJURIA

 

 

 
3 Comments

Posted by on July 6, 2015 in Inner Thoughts