With whom we can share our feelings and also its need?
Taking into account the relationship we are having in the family and the circle of friends we have cultivated over a period of time, we can safely surmise to whom we can confide our private feelings so that the pressure which is building in us gets relieved and we are able to live a normal and a carefree life. For this to be a reality, it is important to share our feelings with others so that the concerned person can help us to the best of his/her ability and try to understand what we are going through and come up with plausible solution to the pestering problems. Keeping things in our system can be unhealthy and could lead to melancholy of highest order if we do not share with somebody who understands us and help assuage our feelings bedeviling us.
While confiding in others, it should also be kept in mind that everyone cannot understand what we are going through, it is essential to know who that particular person could be to whom we can bank on for assistance. Here care and caution has to be exercised. It is simply because need is not merely to share our feelings but also getting to know about the solutions thereof. But primarily, it is essential to open up and share feelings, the sooner it is done the better for us.
The people we can share our feelings could be in our family who can understand our feelings better and devise solutions most suitable for us including seeking the advice of some experts if and when required, our friends we can trust etc. If nothing works, then our Creator is always there to render us any assistance. Need is only to open up in the right earnest and in sincerity and assuredly the assistance which He would be rendering would be without any strings attached – just free, unfettered.
It is an accepted and known fact that man has been living in society since ages together. It is essential because a man cannot meet all his needs himself. These needs include physiological, psychological and social needs etc. A man, however proficient or financially sound cannot think himself a complete till such time he is helped by the society of which he is a part. Here the remark of Aristotle are more relevant: ‘Man is a social animal. He who lives without society is either a beast or God.’ He learns the social etiquettes, norms of behaviour, value system first from the family and then from the society at large. All our human traits such as learning of social behavior such as eating, drinking, language, play etc are learnt from the society itself through self efforts and through interaction and inquiry in an atmosphere of give and take. These qualities cannot be learnt by living alone.
Doubtlessly, social recognition and self-actualization comes from society at large. For this, a man has to establish his relationship in the society with the peer group, befriend with the person(s) of his liking besides establishing a healthy rapport with the older members of the society through mutual respect and cooperation so as to get education from their experiences gained over a period of time.
A person who considers himself self sufficient is a social misfit and does not command respect from the society of which he is a part. If he is indifferent to the others’ needs then who would be forthcoming to render him any help while he is in dire need. Nobody. In order to take something from others, we have to first give them something. It is not a single track affair.
Human nature could be trained to face the life’s multiple challenges. Education and training in the social glare makes matters better. Education in proper atmosphere makes huge difference.
There are social needs, there are financial needs, there are emotional needs and there are security related needs. All these needs are fulfilled either by our parents or somebody who could be relied upon. Need is to establish relationship with interaction and cooperation besides internal willingness to accept change whenever there is a need.
In the childhood, all our needs are fulfilled by our parents. Mother has a central place in all these. Mother is a foundation on which whole of the edifice of the household solidly stands. She is the main pillar of the home on which the safety and security of the household stands. She has to attend to various needs of the family such as:-
- Looking after the needs of the children including their proper upbringing.
- Teaching children social bhaviour, education, health and doing everything for their wellbeing.
- Help in providing financial fillip to the family besides looking after multiple affairs of the family.
- Refining the behavior of the child when a child requires assistance.
- Handing out appreciation and reprimand whenever required. In the Bible it has been rightly said: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
- Offering timely and sound advice whenever there is a need for the child if he/she gets stuck.
- She could be a confidante offering advice. Encourage the child to open up, hide nothing at all. When the child does so, she should firstly be patient in listening and then should offer solutions. If unable to find any solution herself she should seek the help of her husband. Care ought to be exercised that the child should not know that she has disclosed those feelings (if the child wishes that way). Here the mother has to take a tight rope walk. Offering advice with all the love and affection that is required should never be lost sight of in order to come out of a piquant situation.
- Mother remains a mother even though a child grows to any age should never be forgotten and could render any assistance/guidance/counseling at any time.
- Monitoring the day-to-day behavior of the children by giving quality time.
- She shapes the personality of the child by drawing out the inherent and innate potentialities of the child so that the child could be self sufficient when he/she grows up and faces the onslaughts of life.
- She remains a perpetual teacher for her children. How best to train the mind and senses falls under the purview of a mother. History is witness that strong willed mothers have contributed immensely for producing finest leaders in various fields in the world.
The duty of a father is to work for provision of not only financial security but also emotional security. The following are his responsibilities:-
- Provide financial security to the family and make concerted and sincere efforts that all the genuine needs of the family are met.
- Make sincere endeavours that all the health related needs with respect to medical etc are met.
- Ensuring that the family is emotionally strong – whenever there is need counseling is given or expert psychologist’s help is sought for this purpose.
- Make sure that the family’s culture and traditions are transferred to the new generation. The value systems play a stellar role in molding the character of the children.
- Provisions for the family are ensured even for the rainy days.
- Ensure that all the educational needs of the family are met according to the capability and capacity of the children and endeavours made to know the strengths and weaknesses of the children and efforts to remove these.
- Spiritual needs of the family are met by ensuring that daily morning and evening prayers / meditations are done regularly for spiritual onward march.
8. Teach the children as to how to meet emergencies and ensure that children learn art of living.
- Teach the female child how to adjust with the change in environments as she has to leave the parental home and settle in her in-laws after the marriage.
- It is the responsibility of the father to make the environment in the house a congenial one so that positivity flows in whole of the home. It should be home and not a house.
- Ensure that father is more accessible to the children and children do not fear while discussing any problem with him without let or hindrance. Fear psychosis in the children makes the problem still more complex.
A good friend is the one who could come to our rescue in adverse situations. A good friend is the one who:-
- Shares our happiness and sorrows with aplomb.
- Friend is one who is giver and expects nothing in return,
- Loyal to the core, honest, sincere in doling out advice whenever required, based on commonality of interests.
- Should be open and understanding.
- Ego should not come in the way of friendship.
- Always remains ready to forget and forgive anything going against each others’ interests,
- Keeper of conscience,
- Should become support system whenever required.
- Be patient in listening others’ needs and aspirations.
- Should be sincere in fulfilling promises, and should be thorough dependable.
From the foregoing, it can safely be concluded that mother is the one with whom we can share our feelings which are becoming bottleneck in our further march. If she too is not there to render a helping hand then our CREATOR is a willing partner. No problem. He could safely be approached.
The Prophet Mohammad has right said: “The best of you is the best to his family and I am the best amongst you to my family”