Good manners are panacea

For ensuring course correction for many of our setbacks

Which keep knocking us down

While we lose ourselves in the bargain

When need is that tranquil we remain

Instead of being irritated as a sign

Of our personal nature.

Life of ours is a huge enigma

We intend doing something

But existing state pushes us to someplace unknown

Where the only option

With us is either to fine-tune our endeavors

Or perish without even a sign of our existence.

We ought to redirect our efforts to readjust

So that proper ways are adopted

For ensuring order in our demeanor

In our routines of our behavior

Where the norms held most dear

By our society in particular

Are to be followed with sincerity

So as to earn acceptability

In the community

Thus, we live and prosper thru adaptability.


A person who has learned good manners

Is an architect of peace and understanding

Even in situation most daunting

And is able to deliver us from difficult position

With polished and likeable traits, imbibed in abundance

Transporting us from busting predicament

To a state of the unruffled and serene situation

Where we can stride around with head high

And a broad smile playing

Thus good manner is our master key

Which comes handy

To unlock the unpredictable jam and difficulty.



What are good manners? These are those norms of behavior or attitudes which we espouse for our day to day activities thus making a huge difference in our life. What are those manifested activities which impact our traits and character? Then, it is important to know what character is? The character is combined activities we transact which form our individual nature. Our character could be good or bad based purely on our imbibed attitudes and activities thereto. What is attitude? Attitude is the disposition or orientation of the mind – both in thought and action thereof. Attitudes could also be positive or negative Positive attitude brings about positive changes in us and also bring about happiness and satiety in our life whereas negative attitude could lead us astray and may harm our interests and the environments we live in the long run..


Good manners and etiquettes are learned from our parents initially and then from our peer groups, teachers, formal institutions (schools, colleges and universities) of learning besides informal institutions like temples, churches, mosques, play grounds etc. While we learn the manners and etiquettes, these are of no consequence until we use these practically. We get appropriate or inappropriate response based on our manners and etiquettes.


Our emotions play a predominant role in our life. It is also important to know what is emotion? It is most effective aspect of our realization or self awareness. The state of our feeling is termed as emotion. It could also be termed as the mental reaction to stimuli which may originate instantaneously/on the spur of a moment. This may be our response directed towards a specific object or cause in the form or annoyance or alarm or sometimes emotional perturbation/disturbance leading to breakdown of inner resolve. It is the test of our inner resolve or inner potential. Our weakness or solidification of character solely depends on our inner potential. What is our inner potential?

Good manners are bereft of all the negative traits like; anger (which rob us of our wisdom), unreasonable reaction to an occurrence, jealousy (Irsha) towards others, following corrupt practices or cheating others in getting things done or following an immoral or unethical path. Good manners thus are like good future investments which could stand us in good stead.


There is immense beauty and grace involved in good manners. These manners have great acceptability and are obviously respected by every age group. Such person, when comes in contact with others, others too get hugely influenced. Nobody will take him for granted for anything under the sun because he does not ill-treats others. He is the master of any situation in which he is placed. He gets precedence over others simply because nobody grudge him for anything. He generates a compassionate feeling.

It is a matter of great satisfaction that a person with well-rounded personality and traits is not only an asset for himself but also to others with whom he comes into contact. Such person never chance to others for complain against him. wheresoever he puts his foot, there is a feeling of relief, a feeling of mutual appreciation and fellow feeling. There is politeness and civility in his behavior. He expresses his gratitude for anything done by others.

A good person is well-behaved, does not fall prey to any controversy, but on the other hand, tries to remove any controversy which may creep up at any point of time. Such persons, even in adverse atmosphere, will try to bring out the best in even the brute of a person. While in adverse situation, a well behaved person never lose his composure, lives in accord with others, sharing their pain spreading the fragrance of hope and good aspiration. He has a charm of his own.


A well mannered person will try to keep contact with others even after he has acquired a new status due to his hard work and diligence. Tall-talk, taking out of turn, misbehaving with others, pushing aside others with arrogance, the essence of his excellence lies in making others accept his point of view with an air of understanding. Even in serious negotiations with others, he does not lose his calm in any event.

One of the important thing in any organization is how best to convey our intention. While doing so, we have to be careful that it is has equivalence/matching or may differ only slightly with those who matter. If there is slight difference, it could be explained and doubts removed. To ensure success of a link or liaison,  it is essential that differences should be ironed out amicably to avoid any pin-pricks and understanding the which may creep in future as two persons may be differently disposed towards each other. This will enhance mutual appreciation and fondness for further growth of relationship. This happens when we’ve learnt the art of adjusting or accommodating others’ points of view


Good manners and etiquettes are really gems of attitudes and behavior but care ought to be exercised that nobody exploits us unreasonably. We have to study the milieu or scenario around us and change accordingly. Then mannerism is not appropriate. We have to change according to the milieu around. Some may also say that manners and etiquettes are the outer shells, polished but these are important components in this world of ours. Our essence lies deep within, transformation there counts much. It is honey smeared when it comes to manner, speech and etiquette. This could be termed as deception in real sense of terms. If one is truthful, impartial then good manners will follow just automatically. If you believe you are impartial, honest and true to yourself and others, you don’t have to think of good manners or etiquette because it will come naturally. No coaching or play-acting required.


Now essentially, we as human beings, are bestowed with inner strength but it is must that we exploit it to the extent possible. How best this inner power could is individualistic in nature? The first step in this endeavor is to know our weakness and strength then do something for eradicating or reducing our weaknesses to the extent possible. In this self awareness or self consciousness effort, we tend to draw out our inner strengths to our advantage thus learn manners and unlearn those manners which are mismatching with the time and space.


Negative orientation in our emotions could put us and all around us in disorder. There is then intimidating attitude, the possessor of this trait could not only bully the person on whom it is directed but also could prove to be counterproductive to the person concerned, physically and emotionally. On the other hand, relaxed attitude could bestow us peace and tranquility for a thing to be accomplished, harder the goal to be accomplished, more potent would prove the relaxed attitude for its fructification.

Recent most unfortunate incident of killing of 26 persons in Texas church massacre is a sordid pointer what domestic crisis and discord in the family can entail. Mental health, if allowed to pester, leads to unpredictable consequences. We should, therefore, make concerted efforts in bringing about congenial atmosphere in our household. If dissension in the family is allowed to be spilled over, it will have disastrous consequences for the family, particularly so, for the children in the family, who instead of good manners and etiquettes imbibe the violent and intolerant traits of their parents. And if mental health problems are allowed to persist, the case will spiral out of control.

I am of the opinion that whatever our children do or do not do is the result the result of our own fault as parents. We present a negative  picture ourselves but want to see positive results. Can it be possible? The dictum: ‘As we sow so shall we reap’ should never be forgotten by the parents. 


Healthy liaison between the individuals brings about right feelings which impacts wellbeing in the family or in any organisation. On the other hand, if the environment is not congenial or if misunderstanding has crept in due to unhealthy environment the charm and etiquette are required to bring about most needed positive change. Here patience to tackle situation is required to neutralize the negativity that has crept about. Here a person with golden touch is required to ameliorate or remove the rampant unfairness


Ability to perform or to come out successful in a venture comes when we have acquired first the manners and proprieties to handle the situation which may arise any time. A person with good manners find his acceptability because his social and ability to weather all storms than a person with questionable credentials. Sometimes our good manners combined with moderate capability may do more benefits than average mannerism but more capability scale.

Good manners thus prove to be one key factors in our inter-personal relationship for a successful fructification in the environment we are living; The good manners could stand us in good stead in the following ways:-

  • As a person with good manners possesses among other traits, clarity of thoughts, the actions too would be in consonance with the requirement of a situation.
  • When situation becomes too explosive and utter disagreeable prevails every moment, the person with good manners does not become reactive but becomes proactive in handling the situation with inner seriousness and tranquil disposition.
  • Such person assists in cooling the impulsive or impulsive situation by tactfully accommodating others’ viewpoints. In other words acts as barometer of change.
  • In any organization, every individual handles his/her responsibility taking into consideration public spirit or interest as a hallmark bereft of group  and personal envy or jealousy thus steering clear of these controversies which may prove counterproductive to the overall interests of the organization as a whole.  A person with good manners rises above the petty and narrow considerations, sometimes, losing his/her self esteem initially but gains much when actual realization dawns.








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11 thoughts on “ON GOOD MANNERS”

  1. Fact remains, GOOD MANNERS are the result of adjusting with the environment in which we are placed besides becoming proactive when to be reactive is dangerous proposition.

  2. An important post, Harbans. My view is that good manners stem from respect for others as equal human beings. Charles Kingsley’s Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby from The Water Babies comes to mind.

    1. Derrick sir, thanks for appraising the write-up. Yes pl respect for others is important factor in good manners. The story WATER BABIES is obviously fits the bill. Regars

  3. Good evening dear Harbans. This is an excellent article, so much necessary in our digital age where the dearth of human face-to-face interaction has spawned a sub-culture of meanness and mediocrity. Good mammers slso give you a clarity of purpose.

    1. Thanks you so very much for appraising the write-up and giving your invaluable comments. Now a days, due to our busy schedules, we tend to forget some good habits and attitudes which earn us goodwill and wellness. But still there are people who still hold the fort and keep the flame of this lamp burning to enlighten others. Regards

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