PARENTAL CARE IS ALL ENCOMPASSING
OUR CHILDREN & WE AS PARENTS
Our children are our most precious gifts
which we leave here on this earth
to represent us after we’ve departed
these are the credits
of the parents’ Karmic deeds
good ones give us good returns
bad ones discredit us
even after we’re not there on this earth
we show them sound path
because any wrong step taken on the wrong path
depletes the credit points so earned
of our offspring
and comes in the path of smooth journey
and lessen the chances to live a life with dignity.
Teaching our children to follow
good thoughts and Karmic deeds thereto
with sincerity of purpose
observing all the natural laws
along with norms of society
which need to be followed
as a true human being
profusely smiles dividing
besides fragrance spreading
wherever they set their feet.
Care not to spread frowns
the unwelcome ones
which tend to divide people
thus tarnishing the image of our children
and by doing so ours left out respect too
after even we’ve left this earth so beautiful
with very fickle impressions
with selfishness galore
how best to get things done
for meeting their own needs
without caring two hoots
what others expect from them.
I fathom thus
if our offspring behave waywardly
fault lies not with our children really
but on us as parents
since we paid no heed
while our children required us the most
for attending to their upbringing needs
We remained busy
in our own activities
leaving our offspring to the mercies
of hostile elements.
Now blaming others is futile
since our offspring
are brought to this earth by us
and brought up by us
thus we’re responsible
what they are at the moment
and what they should not be after all
if only we had paid attention
when it was woefully needed!
EARLY CHILDHOOD AND PARENTS
In essence, it is axiomatic that every parent would like their offspring to behave appropriately, follow correct mode of behaviour, cultivate good manners, have positive attitude while interacting with others since when our love ones behave improperly with others, they bring bad name for the family as a whole. It also becomes a slur on our upbringing since we as parents or elderly members have not given quality time to our offspring. Obviously, the parents are responsible for; what our offspring do or do not do, should never be forgotten. We must have observed people appreciating and commending the behaviour of good-mannered children while denigrating the ones who are not well behaved. Here the role of the parents or elders in the family is considered paramount. Need is to take care of the children from childhood itself – from infancy itself as the child at that stage is like a wet-earth from which the parents can make anything a very beautiful toy to play or a a hard-ball to break somebody’s head.
Be that as it may, since parents are responsible for the behaviour of their children, therefore, they have to make concerted efforts so that their wards follow righteous path from the early childhood itself. At childhood stage, value system should be imparted/transferred to the children so that the traditional values are used in their lives at every stage of their lives. The stage has to be set in the childhood stage itself. If our children behave properly in the society, it generates good impression on the family as a whole and in the long it will herald a good life in their lives while they grow up.
Here comes the play of our knowledge, intelligence and wisdom to act in a manner that we exert the influence or impression we want to make on our children. It goes to show that before having any tangible effect on our children, we have to change ourselves. It cannot be attained with ease. In such a situation, what is the option left? It is the medical expert advice which is the next alternative.
PARENTS HAVE TO BE PATIENT IN EXERTING THEIR POSITIVE INFLUENCE
Now delving on the question; if the sincerest efforts of the parents to rectify the behaviour of the parents fail to give tangible results then what? It is natural that the parents will feel exasperated and a feeling of despondency may set in.
WHAT IF OUR CHILDREN HAVE CROSSED CERTAIN LIMIT, THEN WHAT?
For instance, if a child has developed the bad habits of smoking, drinking or worse still the habit of taking drug along with gambling, then what? It is also a considered fact that all these bad habits have not set in in short span of time. These have developed over a period of time only. Seemingly, proper care on the child in question was not paid and was left to the mercy of elements. Now, at this late stage, what is the option left? We cannot leave our children high and dry to the beggaries of the ‘time’ – since time too will not be able to unknot the Gordon Puzzlei n such cases. We as the parents and the elders in the family have to come forward and do something in order to undo what untold harm has been done willy-nilly. We cannot wash our hands and tell that as parents and elders in the family are not responsible for the predicament your children are presently.
REMEDIAL ACTION FOR BREAKIG A HABIT WHICH HAS GONE BERSERK
The parents and the elders in the family should leave all compunction or hesitation in taking medical help to bring in positive transmission in the child in question. Any hesitation shown may prove counterproductive since no time should be lost in seeking remedial measures for recovery as loss in time may accentuate or heighten the symptoms to a stage of ‘no recovery’.
At the stage when the habits have been developed, how best the parents and the elders in the family can chip in order to refine the behaviour pattern of their children?
if all the persuasions to rid one of these habits or combination of bad habits have failed; then what? The parents of the elder in the family will have to fend for themselves. The family as a whole will be shattered.
If the malady is to remove the negativity in the behaviour of the children then persuasion and imparting sound advice as and when required is a must but it should not be left at that, proper monitoring too is called for to ensure that our advice have brought tangible results. Here the play of reward and punishment, whenever needed will have positive ramifications.
For this, we make our best efforts to advise the children so that they do course correction/mend their ways. we naturally get irritated when despite our best efforts, they do not listen to our advice or do not pay heed to our advice. More the nearness to our relations, the more incensed we feel when our best efforts yield no results.
But if the habits have gone beyond that and graduated into habits of drinking, smoking, drugs etc. Then what? In such a scenario, we have to seek the medical intervention to come to our rescue. It has crossed the limit of parenting. It has reached to the level of medical-intervention. Therefore, the help of the expert advice is called for. It may be time consuming but things can fall into place when proper care and caution is exercised as a matter of routine. Here too the part played by the parents and the elders in the family is of paramount importance.
The following procedure should be adopted for keeping our balance or equanimity:-
• Keep cool, when the question of our own near relatives is taken into account. The children are our own, therefore, it is our responsibility to ensure that they follow the correct path.
• It is important that as parents, we should control our anger and irritability since it will do any benefit to our children but will spoil our chances of rectifying our own behaviour. It is also necessary to note that if the anger is self-directed, it will do more harm to us as a parent and thus we lose to rectify the behaviour of our children. A child in need of our assistance is just like a parched flower plant which needs water periodically.
• Besides parents, elders in the family, the informal institutions like temples, churches, mosques, play grounds and libraries can play a stellar role in mold or shaping the opinion of the young minds and keep their mind focused on positive things, away from negative influences if the impressionable minds are left free. For instance I personally witnessed how the separate section of a library in Eastleigh attracts small children venting their curiosities; drawing, creating new things with the blocks, read children books etc. which help in productively utilize their time thus enhance their intelligence.
• Experiencing anger is our personal and internal experience whereas acting out anger means when we direct this anger on somebody else due to some reason. Although both are harmful and need controlling. Children whose parents are habituated to verbal abuses, beating, bashing, punching, etc. such children grow to be violent with all the negative traits which they learn from their parents in homes.
• If we start imparting good value system in the early childhood itself then we can expect sound results when the child grows up pricing the saying: a stitch in time saves nine.
• Build bridges of communication, soothe their emotions after observing these very minutely, relate with their problems and make concerted efforts in solving those problems.
• While refining the habits of the children, it is paramount that we as parents should not humiliate them and not at all in front of others.
• It is always necessary to know the requirement of our children; their wants, needs, the traumas which they face during their schooling, the comparison they make with their group, low esteem they face when they cultivate low self-esteem while comparing with the peer group. Any adjustment related problems should be sorted out sooner these are observed lest these problems take an uncontrollable proportion. Then there is also the final standing in the class vis-à-vis other students. If we as parents have given quality time to them and met their requirement then our children will come out of the educational institutions as a confident and the ones who can walk talk both in the peer group and others with whom they interact.
• Repeat advising till such time tangible results are attained but monitoring them periodically should never be ignored.
It should always be kept in mind that nothing is acquired with ease and when it is the question of imparting positive transformation of our own love ones it is all the more important. The solutions are not easy but these are not unattained if we adopt right methods. If required, we can take the assistance of some NGOs or other groups which have the good reputation of helping such cases.
Try, try again option should never be ignored since the matter is related to our own loved ones. If now we cannot help, then when?
If one option fails, adopt the alternative one or another but do not stop trying.
Remember right approach leads to right results. Hasty shortcuts may not produce right results but may make the matters still more complex.
If sometimes our leniency fails, then adopt some mild-hard methods too to streamline the behaviour of your loved ones but in all these, care ought to be exercised that we ourselves should not be exercised or feel irritated or even show irritation. Doing so, would be counterproductive.
For bringing positive results, positive orientations have to be adopted as the question is not of some stranger but your own ones with whom you have to interact on daily basis besides on whom your own future too hinges on while they grow up and you become old!
After having acquired a modicum of success in changing the habit and attitude of your love ones, just monitor their behaviour pattern till you are sure that what you want is acquired.
A small positive change in behaviour and attitude should be appreciated till final outcome is reached.
While following the correct course of action, it is in fitness of things to remain positive, persuasive without forcing your advice, pay minutest attention to the transformation at every step and above all remain pragmatic that things will improve with the grace of Almighty God.