For friendship to be enduring
Suffusing with mutual love and caring
It is in the fitness of things
That the foundation of friendship is developed on strong footings
Without any lose ends in between
Since with prevalence of lose-ends
The mutual confidence besides each others likings
In the form of breach of trust
Goes bust
And faith and belief in each other gets shattered
Which if ones broken
Friendship loses its sheen
And slowly but surely
The bubble so very fragile
Of friendship gets busted
Leaving tell-tale signs of friendliness
With bits & pieces of it all left scattered
Remain to be seen here, there & everywhere!
Which may turn into a mud-slinging match
Go at it hammer and tongs
Seemingly, the ex-friends
Once chums with huge warmth
Have turned coolest
Thus turned into worst enemies
Knowing each other’s secrets
Ready to spill the cane of soiled beans
and washing the dirty linen
Which is so obvious
From their demeanor..


There is a truth in the maxim, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. A good and a trustworthy friend is the one who can be relied on in thick and thin for anything whenever there is a need for the same. Friendship is based on amity, harmony in relationship, purity of mind, steadfast in support to the friend in need besides straightforwardness are their forte. Good friends do not hide anything and truthfulness is their credo (in actual practice real friends do not hide anything). Furthermore, friendship is based on purity of relationship, humility, modesty, sincerity, honesty, forgetting and forgiving whenever there are differences in perception besides absence of narcissism in the relationship. For the friendship to be more enduring or durable with sufficient warmth and understanding, it is necessary that true friends solve each other’s problems amicably. But care should be exercised that in all these, neither self-centeredness nor selfish attitude should come in the way.


A true friend without hesitation offers healthy criticism whenever there is a need for the same on finding something irrational or unethical in the personal relationship which may adversely impact the friendship. Along with this, true friend also is aware of potentials and weaker areas and helps in bridging the gap or removing the weaker areas completely and have full cooperation and understanding of each other’s point of views. Differences, if any, should be settled with mutual discussions and on the basis of give and take.


For friendship to be on a stronger footing, it is worth mentioning that we should share anything which is worth sharing lest our friend should come to know about the event from others which is against the trust reposed. If such a thing happens, then that friend of ours may also hide things from us and that would be a starting point in cooling a relationship. As cementing factor of our relationship is based on truth and openness, it is in the fitness of things not to allow suspicion to take roots. Furthermore, the cornerstone for any friendship to be lasting, of necessity, friends should remove all the pin-pricks which may arise from time to time. Essentially, as the friendship is based on emotional-bonds, therefore, nothing should be done to break this emotional-bond which is mutually beneficial for each other. Trust, once compromised or broken, cannot be retrieved so easily.


Furthermore, it is also significant to note that if the emotional bond is broken, friendship loses its sheen and purpose for which friendship is established gets broken. If this happens then even the bosom friend may turn into a sworn enemy and the resultant animosity would be huge and may become dangerous since each of the ex-friend knows each other’s secrets. It has been observed that coolness in relationship impacts day to day behavior pattern and attitude towards each other. There is nothing rosy in the friendship – laced in sweetener outside but bitterest from inside.

The following are the reasons for a even a bosom friendship turning into enmity:-

Trust Deficit. One of the foremost reason for friendship turning into enmity is when trust is at stake.
When each does not respect other. If one friend pays respect other and the other does not respond in equal measure then friendship does not last long.

When Reciprocal Principle Fails. Reciprocity is one of the significant pillars of friendship. In other words, friendship is a two way traffic. If it were one way, then, friendship cannot last for long.

• Three Ws (Wine, Wife and wealth) Create suspicion in friendship. It has been observed that lust for anything proves counter-productive for establishment of friendship on solid footings.

Deception. If and when a person outwardly showcases something else and in his/her mind the person concerned has something hideous and strikes on getting chance. All negative traits put together can impact friendship in the final analysis for good.


Enmity means a feeling of hatred for others. This hatred or animosity for others is partly due to our intolerant attitude toward others and partly due to others negative characteristics, habits and behavior patterns. Reasons may be any for cultivating enmity, but, the consequences of having enmity with others is always counter-productive.

The enmity of Kauravas and Pandavas was basically due to lust for power and position, anger, greed for wealth, rancor and all the negative traits put together. Here Pandavas personified goodness, tolerance, patience and all the good traits put together (the traits of a good relative or friend). Prince Dharyodhna, his brothers and most cunning Mama Shakuni who with his ill-intention did everything possible to create dissension between Pandavas and Kauravas. The festering enmity between the two families which resulted in Kurukshetra battle where Kauravas lost their everything. This battle was in fact fought for preservation of truth and elimination of evil.

A person who insults others at every given opportunity, place and condition earns for himself enemies around. Such a person sows the seeds of discord between his own colleagues by resorting to his negative traits. These negative characteristics are back-biting, use of abusive language, not being true to his words, being unfaithful, distrustful, showcasing of insecurity in behavior along with negative attitude and habit.

A hostile person, with his acts of omissions and commissions not only harms others but also earns for himself psychological related ailments. Fact remains, a person with negative mindset is impure of mind with fears of all sorts remain haunting him, does not have control over his senses besides he always exhibits his ill-gotten position and status to influence others. Inwardly specter of fear keeps haunting him due to which he loses self-confidence and self-esteem compelling him to behave irrationally to prove his point. Though outwardly, he shows that he is in total control of situation and condition.
Yesterday, I got proof of hideous and malafide intention of one of the employees of our organization when a colleague of mine used insulting and offensive tone when I enquired about the official work he was assigned. Instead of explaining why he was not able to perform his job assigned, he resorted to use of foul language with loud tone and tenor to hide the true reason, why he was not able to perform his job? Although all this happened in front of all the employees still I remained cool but in my place, if somebody else would have been there, then situation coul have turned worst. It goes to prove that if we remain calm and composed while facing some bully, we can avoid creating situation turning unpleasant and creating enemies in the bargain. Choice is ours – we want more friends or more enemies. Tolerance, patience and keeping silent saves situation to turn uglier, earns for us friends as a reward but intolerance and impatience create enemies for us who may prove very harmful in the long run. This also proves that those who are equipoised or balanced both in honour and dishonor earn for themselves favourable association as friends. The said employee have earned for himself so many enemies with his ill-conceived and irrational behavior including his outbursts at every given opportunity.

Those, who are alike to friend and foe, equapoised in honor and dishonor, cold and heat, joy and sorrow, and are free from all unfavorable association; those who take praise and reproach alike, who are given to silent contemplation, content with what comes their way, without attachment to the place of residence, whose intellect is firmly fixed in Me, and who are full of devotion to Me, such persons are very dear to Me.

The hostility that is generated in the mind of our friends and others is due to perception problems, fear psychosis, feeling of sense of betrayal, jealousy based on competition, bullying tactics, showcase of passive aggression to put others in defensive mode, focusing on weakness of the person concerned to tarnish the image, show selfishness openly, backstabbing others by back-biting just to make others socially down, giving no credence to others for their successes rather not mentioning their upward movements, hurl lies at any time for personal gains, talking about the negative things only. Insensitive about the needs of others, creating scare in opposition camp, creating inferiority complex by hurling abusive language even, bullying to bring home the point of view, show no ill-feeling on the surface and secretly working against the interests of others, makes you in angry mood so that you are not able to think rationally, acting like wolf in the lion’s clothing, backstabber and backbiter,

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9 thoughts on “ON FRIENDSHIP & ENMITY”

  1. Friends are many when your purse is full and a friend who stands us in good stead should always be kept in mind. Do appraise the blog and offer your valuable comments.



  2. There are very few people who really are our friends. We may acknowledge most of our acquaintances, peers and colleagues as friends but there are just a handful to whom one can open up to.

    And yes maintaining good relations with them on our part is needed to nurture the relationship. Otherwise as you said, they become ugly.

    1. Thanks a million for your invaluable commentary on friendship and enmity. Fact remains : Fair weather friends are many, but, true friends who stand by you in thick and thin are very few.

      Fact also remains that we have no time at our disposal to maintain friendship since we are busy in our own pursuits. We should develop friendship with our own spouse, our own progeny and even our elder members.

      With regards


      1. I agree. How much ever you feel that sharing or depending on friends is more comfortable, it is only a few friends and family that are there for you.

      2. Thanks a million times for appraising the blog and offering your invaluable comments. You are absolutely correct in giving your assessment of the friendship today. Regards.

  3. Once again, Harbans, a very apt write-up on an often-ignored and touchy subject. Just like the husband-wife’s relationship, friendship also needs maturity and patience. Today we see more of acquaintances than friendships because everything hinges on how one would extract benefits from the other. India has forgotten its roots and gone on an alien path, and we can not blame everything on the west.

    1. Thanks a lot for appraising the write-up and giving your commentary on the same.

      As always, your comments are pragmatic and touching on reality as it stands today. We nurture motives even in friendship. In fact we have forgotten our roots completely and adopted some western ways of living. This way, we are neither here nor there.

      With regards,

  4. I give you a like and like your effort for your posts. but there is too much text for me. I have poor eyesight despite reading glasses. i need a magnifying glass for this text. sorry, but an interesting blog.

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