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Do you think..your family would agree with all you are doing? (As asked by somebody).

Do you think..your family would agree with all you are doing? (As asked by somebody).

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Best Answer: There are times when our family members would agree with all that we are doing and at other times they may not agree what we do or do not do. If I am doing anything which goes against the very principles of our family culture and traditions, no family member would agree  with my viewpoints. Secondly, if we do anything which tarnishes the well established image of our family; for instance if we resort to any crime or commit any sin which put all other members in disrepute then our family member will not like us for the anti social activities resorted to by us. Thirdly, if we have sufficient finance as individuals and do not come to the succor of our family when it is immensely required then our family will not like it. Fourthly, when our family wants us to follow certain course of action and we do something contrary to the well established norms then also our family members will not like it.

Be that as it may, it is the family which provides us assistance when we are children and it is family which comes to our assistance when we want to come out of the emergent situation, therefore, we have to think and act to safeguard the honour of our family when crunch time comes. All will agree when we are doing everything as per the greater good of the family it is liked by every member of the family. Therefore, it is possible that our family may agree with us or sometimes disagree with us but we have to accept the reality and agree to explore a common meeting ground for overall well-being of the family.*

*It is a axiomatic  that our intention should be to keep everybody in the family happy. For that to happen, the following points should be kept in mind:-

  1. Doing everything in accordance with the interests of the family as a unit. Family is a sacred institution in which different responsibilities are assigned and performed by different members of the family according to their capabilities or capacities. There is unwritten law which pervades that all members have to take look after the total well-being of the family to ensure that nothing is done which may go against the grain of family’s well-being or may tarnish the image of the family in general. In other words, it could be said that although there is no codified rule which governs the family way of living but whatever duty is assigned by the elder in the family is taken with a pinch of salt and obeyed partly as a mark of respect and partly for ensuring that job assigned is done without let or hindrance and nobody can brazen it out-. .

 

  1. Differences, if any, are sorted out with mutual agreement. At times, when there arises some difference of opinion or an unseemly act, these should be sorted out with mutual consent but with a notion that the authority of the elder in the family is respected and maintained and not diluted so that their writ runs large in the family hierarchy. .Sometimes when matters go off the tangent then complete family sitting should take place and every members’ opinion is taken on the contentious issue and matter sorted out without wastage of time. If an issue remains simmering for quite sometimes then it may snowball into a huge controversy and may entail loss of face or prove counter-productive to the overall interests of the family in general.

 

  1. Sometimes compromises are made for the sake of saving relationships. Experience tells us that at times members of the family have to compromise and cooperate on certain matters for saving the honour of the family. For this, even self esteem could be at stake but family honour has to be given priority. Here, I do iterate that I do not subscribe to the idea of honour killing  for settling scores – which is below civility.

 

  1. At times, if one member of the family disagree with others matters come to the head. The elders in the family should see that the differences in the family do not cross the limit of decency. If still things fail to quell, then everybody’s opinion should be taken for sorting out differences so that contentious points could be sorted out once and for all.

 

  1. When is the time to divide the family. At times, it has been found that differences spin out of control, when all out efforts make no difference to sort things out, then only option is to family division based purely on give and take basis as how long the quibbling could be allowed to take toll in the family and spoil the atmospheric in the family. In this sort of a contingency, it is better that elder member of the family may help division in the family by dividing the assets; ensuring that everybody in the family gets his/her share.

 

  1. Safeguards to the members who are aged and infirm. There are the members who earn and those who are not meaningfully employed also including those who are aged and infirm are taken care under the umbrella of family.

 

  1. Division of family assets / properties but not the elders in the family. If there arises a situation when the division of family is the only solution then in this sort of a scenario, the interests of olds and infirm including non-earning members in the family should not be ignored. Also, old parents, who see everybody in the family with love and affection should feel free to go to anybody in the divided family; i.e. no restriction should be imposed on them in their oldage.

Over and above what is mentioned above, the following should be taken care of:-

  • All should have union of unclear families during some important days like annual gathering for respecting family deity.
  • Celebrate all the birthdays/marriage anniversaries etc together to keep the unity and integrity intact.
  • Differences, if any, should be sorted out within shortest timeframe to bridge the gap so that the gap may not widen to disproportionate proportions which is difficult to fill.
  • As family is the institution from where our development starts, we should always respect all its norms when we grow up and become independent financially.
  • We should never forget our roots. One who forgets its roots is a turncoat of highest order.
  • Sometimes we have to compromise but it is not because of our weakness but we’ve to check our ego and move on. Also, many a times, we have to remain quite after we come to know about a controversial happenings, which if reignited may will create still more fissures in the family. Remaining silent in these is the most sagacious for overall health and well-being of the family.

INNER THOUGHTS

Harbans  2 days ago

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Posted by on May 12, 2017 in Inner Thoughts, WELLNESS

 

SIGNIFICANCE OF VALUE SYSTEM

VALUE OF VALUE SYSTEM

For living a life of significance

With all our slip ups nipped in the bud with full all patience

By aspiring for a code of conduct

With the experiences we get

From the daily routines done presently

And the incidents experienced in the days gone by

Which remain etched in our memory

And keep guiding us

To follow those thoughts and actions

Which are in sync with the norms and obligations

Set by the society for a civilized and orderly living

Some of value systems are transformed by the family we are born

From historical perspectives and socio-cultural traditions

Followed presently for evolution of civilization

Then also by democratic values of  thoughts of liberty of thoughts and expression

Strides in scientific temper and modern values thereto have helped improvisation

And mitigation of masses’ all round condition

By elimination of rampant paradoxes and superstition,

Innovation in transportation and media communication

Has really helped dissemination of information

Globalization has blurred the boundaries internationally

Spiritual values give religious insights into higher values and their application

Of positive thoughts of empathy, righteousness  and compassion

Besides indomitable belief on Supreme Consciousness

Through truthfulness and sincere meditation

This way we stand firm what relationship creations

Has with our Creator.

All mixed together make universal values a living reality

Higher values help maintenance of harmonious relationship a possibility

Helping us for mutual admiration for each others culture and values followed traditionally.

PURSUIT OF VALUE SYSTEM.

In the morning hours, while passing through junior wing of our school, I observed that some decoration pieces had fallen from the stand on which these were placed. The students were going to their respective classes even trampling those decoration pieces. Suddenly, I saw a small girl picking those decoration pieces and putting them at their proper places. She even took the assistance of her friends in the group. I mentioned this to one of the teachers who also appreciated this act of hers. I take this as a value learned from the parents or peer group. In our daily life, we are in tearing hurry to transact our personal business without caring what is happening around us – thinking that it does not concern us! This is travesty of fact, a fact which is considered as lowest in value system rung.   

There are no two opinions that values are man-made and need based too. Values considered good for particular community may not be considered good by the other community. For instance there are the communities who teach their children how to steal from the childhood itself. But stealing is considered as a crime by the land of the land. Then what our soldiers are trained for is another example of particular value – to safeguard the integrity of the country even by making supreme sacrifice. Here too values differ. It goes to show that there are some values which are required to be followed as a member of a particular region or society and there are some values which are considered respected in the country we live besides there are values which have universal appeal.

Whatever we do, we should do that with full consciousness or awareness. In that awareness, we should let love to dwell in us, without worrying about whether our act is according to the set values or not because whatever is done in sound awareness can hardly be wrong. Thus awareness and love are more essential. A practice being followed or learned over a period of time or randomly done gets into our habit or behaviour is value based.

The moral principles and values originated as code of conduct to mould human behaviour as a response to given situation. These have been gleaned from the chapters of history of the past and based on the experiences we formulate new sets of values suiting our timeline. This code of conduct helps us in fulfilling our objectives and help shape our destinies according to present requirements.

HOLY QURAN DECLARES: And the believers, men and women, are friends of another. They enjoined good and forbid evil and observe Prayer and pay the Zakaat and obey ALLAH and HIS Messenger. It is these on whom ALLAH will have mercy. Surely, ALLAH is Mighty and Wise.

Essentially,  for a civilized and organized society, it is important that the people observe some code of conduct brought about during the passage of time along with experiences gained during that period. The moral principles and values observed moulds the human behaviour. Study of historical perspective and ancient philosophies make huge impression on human evolution.

Human values have drawn their inspiration from various sources in the course of history besides spiritualism, philosophy and religion, socio-cultural traditions have been the predominant determinants for formulating the basic human values through different period of evolution of human civilization. Some of these are given as under:-

  • HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE AND ITS AFFECTS ON CULTURAL VALUES.. Historical perspective play a dominant role in ascertaining the norms of behavior and values practiced at particular period of time. Codified history influences the present thinking and affects the societies in general. For example, in the medieval period is known to have associated with Islamic influence and rule in India. It went almost for three centuries including Mughal Empire who first of all invaded India and then adopted India as their own. The culture and value system they brought with them got assimilated in India itself and enriched Indian culture and tradition. Ganga-Jamuni tehzeeb (Ganga-Yamuna Culture) which is effusion of Hindu and Muslim cultures.
  • PHILOSOPHIES PROPOUNDED BY RENOWNED PHILOSOPHERS. Ancient philosophers contributed much for the present times as far as culture, tradition and values are concerned. For example contributions of renowned philosophers like John Loke (father of liberalism), Thomas Aquinas (Advocate of existence of God), Confucius (Advocated natural morality), Descartes (father of modern philosophy), Plato (Believed that there must be some power for the creation of universe),Aristotle (He wrote about abstract or concrete philosophy) etc. All these Western philosophers among others including those oriental Indians philosophies have contributed immensely to the cultural ethos and moral, ethical and cultural values of the world.
  • EXPERIENCES GAINED DURING PASSAGE OF TIME FIRM UP CODE OF CONDUCT THUS MOLDING THE BEHAVIOUR OF THE PEOPLE.
  • DEMOCRATIC VALUES. Democratic principles of liberty, freedom to elect governments of choice, freedom of expression, revision of incentives for democratization of thoughts are the main determinants of human values which help in evolution of higher values and virtuous life held dear by the people.
  • VALUE SYSTEM MAKE HUMANS HUMANE. The distinction between human beings is the richness of value system one possesses among other basic modes of behaviour (ethical, moralistic, spiritualistic etc) which everybody should possess for a sublime and civilized living. A person could have higher value system in one field but could have lower value system in other field of activity. The index of value system is the richness in beliefs, faiths and norms of behaviour being followed by the society.

Lord Jesus modeled this core value when He uttered, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.

  • POLITICAL VALUE SYSTEM. It has been observed that now-a-days politics is more or less bereft of values systems. The political parties and its leader publish manifestos for their respective parties but when they win the election, they woefully forget the promises made to the people. By their unethical acts they stoop to lower ladder of value system in political arena.
  • RELIGIOUS VALUE SYSTEM. By following the religious teachings in various scriptures, the proponents / followers of religions follow these religious preaching and seek god’s connectivity. Those who follow religious philosophies without reservation and without diluting these teachings, get higher values in life. A person with higher religious values is rich in spiritualism with all the positive traits such as empathy, compassion etc which inspire us for meditation which is beneficial for our soul and provides us occasion to have indomitable belief on god. With this value system, we can stand for what we believe in relation to religion and spiritualism. Religious value too stresses maintenance of harmonious relationships with followers of religions other than ones own.

The VEDIC Value system enlightens us  about:  Dharma (Righteousness), Artha (Maternal possession), Kama (Desire), Shivam (Supreme Consciousness and goodness),Sundram (beauty), Satyam (Truthfulness),

  • FINANCIAL VALUE SYSTEM. We require money in order to meet our various needs which we call material possessions for a comfortable living. For this, we have to work sincerely. If we earn this finance by adopting sincere and legitimate methods then it falls in the category of economic high value system. If we earn through some corrupt or ulterior means then it is low value system.
  • SOCIAL VALUE SYSTEM. Social values are the ones which we learn from our family initially and then friends and environment in which we live. Social etiquette include learning social obligations, to live in harmony with others obeying all the civic rules, obeying social norms held dear by the society for concord and cooperation. Social values learned helps us in imbibing positive relations with fellow beings and shun antisocial and behaviour which is anti-thesis of social norms.
  • ETERNAL VALUES ARE ABSOLUTE, REAL, it is pure consciousness, pure perception, pure knowledge, gives pure knowledge (ananda), bliss or everlasting happiness, eternal peace, exalted values and are eternal in nature. These values are like the light of the sun which gives energy to all the objects.

 

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2017 in Inner Thoughts, WELLNESS

 

Thoughts on our mistakes, sins, crimes and repentance thereof.

Thoughts on our mistakes, sins, crimes and repentance thereof.

 

ON SINCERE REGRETS

 

During the hustle and bustle of our life

Living in total harmony or in strife

Sometimes we fall into the pit of our own creation

And commit mistakes with lack of caution

And there arises an inner voice – a sudden realization

Time lost thus far after mistakes commission

Cannot be retrieved by any stretch of imagination

As the arrow has been shot from the bow unchecked

Single course left is the expression of sincere regret

Arisen out of inner recesses of our heart

May partly absolve us of our misdemeanor

Or may be further pain we’re constrained to undergo

For freeing or not freeing us of our blunder done entirely

Depends on severity

Of our blunder that we’ve committed willy-nilly

Which anyway cannot be hidden under the garb of regrets

Mere feeling sorry is no recompense for several mistakes made in the past

In that case we’ve to bear the brunt of our mistake

Firstly, accepting our mistake

With deep understanding of the error committed

And an honest promise not repeating the same slip-up further

Is the only mitigating factor

Which eases the process of repentance

And paves the way for our deliverance.

REPENTANCE & MISTAKES

Literal meaning of regret is to apologize, feel sorry or offer repentance  for what an individual has done at conscious level which is ethically or morally incorrect – an act which has harmed other or spoiled a person’s image in the eyes of society. A Karma which one has already committed and a feeling has crept in that that karma is wrong or a realization has dawned after the commission of the mistake. This realisation should follow expression of regrets for having committed the blunder which eases the process of repentance. But here too, there is a rider, we have to be very careful that such careless attitude in committing errors is not repeated. Repetition of the same fault makes us a candidate for reprisal – may be from the person concerned or the karmic philosophy comes into force – what you give others comes back to you.  Not that we humans can totally be immune from committing mistakes but that depends upon the extent to which we breach the code of behavior as far as our discretion is concerned. It is like learning to walk, talk etc in childhood which comes through practice. In life too, we can leave  bad habits by expressing regrets and determine not to follow those habits. 

In Holy Quran it has been made amply clear: Except for those who repent and correct themselves and make evident [what they concealed]. Those – I will accept their repentance, and I am the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful.

It is seen that due to some unforeseen circumstances or due to our lack of self control, we may fall in the company of anti-social elements and  adopt some of their bad habits like drinking, smoking, telling lies, backbiting, zealousy, anger, greed, lust etc. Till such time these bad habits remain within the confines of conscious level or  personal level efforts could be made to eradicate these totally by expressing regrets or repentance but if these habits cross the boundary of Natural Laws then these normal habits graduate to be sin or crime for which retribution is the natural corollary.

Being humans, we all commit mistakes, I should say almost on daily basis may be due to our ignorance or may be due to our forgetful nature. These mistakes could be condoned or forgotten after we have expressed repentance for the same – albeit  with a promise to not to repeat the same. We should not make it a habit – to commit an indiscretion  and ask for forgiveness or regret that times without number. It is both madness to repeat our faults and it goes beyond the level of tolerance. In such a scenario, it is a must that the subject should seek proper counseling to streamline the behaviour pattern. It is a shortcoming and required to be nipped in the bud to the extent possible but it is not so reprehensible as to warrant severe punishment. A meaningful rebuke will do good where a severe reprisal may make a person hardened criminal. What our youth in JNU in Delhi are resorting to through their utterances should be taken as a ‘learning process’ and if they are lead astray by outer influences, and further, there should be scope for course correction first and if still they go on repeating the same mistakes  (cross limit by anti national sloganeering etc) then Law of the Land is there to provide justice, nobody should grude that.  Alternatively, if our youths commit mistakes (beyond even freedom of speech and expression), accept the same and promise not to repeat then they should be forgiven for their indiscretions since with experiences only youths of today will learn.  If one hides the evil, it adds and grows.  If one bares it and repents, the sin dies out.  Buddha says that the wise do not hide sin.

SIN & REPENTANCE

Now question arises as to when does a mistake or indiscretion or error becomes a sin? Here there are some limits of decency or otherwise  when our indiscretion could come under the ambit of a normal mistake or fault or when it crosses that threshold then it under the definition of commission of a sin. A sin is said to have been committed if  we infringe upon somebody’s religious sentiments with an intention to flare up or ignite agitation of an individual or  amongst the communities; such acts are considered prejudicial to the harmony between the communities. The person concerned could be hauled by the law enforcing agencies for commission of such types of offenses.

The sin is also said to have been committed if we act in contravention to moral law. When we transgress an ethical norm which is against the norms set by the society – sin is said to be committed. This act is considered to be  highly uncalled for and the perpetrator could be taken to task by the society in which that person is living. Here both legal and at societic level action could be considered before it turns cancerous. It could be in the form of expression of sincere regret or repentance if considered by the affected community and also penalty considered suitable for the avoidance of recurrence. Introspection at the individual level too is a must so that refinement in the behaviour is made for upholding normal social etiquette that an individual has with the society at large. It could be said the sinning is both against the Moral Laws and God’s Laws besides Natural Laws. Sincere repentance may be of solace but with a condition that it should never be repeated but it should be with due concurrence of the society and with due diligence. Consequences of sinning is thus appropriate punishment after expression of sincere repentance. There is no shortcuts in this.

CRIME & RULE OF LAW

It should be kept in mind that no society or country can have inclusive growth and development without upholding the rule of law. A message should go that all are equal before the law. Communal harmony is crying need of the hour and narrow parochialism or regionalism should not stand in the way of peace and prosperity for all. Even then, if somebody commits an act or offense which is prejudicial to the law of the land, this offense could be in the form of economic offenses (as bank frauds – such as taking loans from the bank and not paying the same due to one reason or other; as has been done by Mr. Mallya), to follow corrupt practices to amass wealth, evading willfully payment of legitimate taxes, physically harming others which could attract punishment by the courts, using force to harm other physically, etc. All these offenses attract punishment in accordanace with the law of the land and are not just condoned or regretted in the normal course.

Taking into consideration the differences between a normal mistake, sin and crime it is worthwhile to note the actual meaning of the three and function within the ambit of our rights and duties and perform our multifarious functions as a responsible members of the society. And finally, if regrets or repentance is expressed, it should spring from within us.

Holy Bible  About Repentance-God calls his people unto repentance and turn from the wicked ways of this world, so it is important to know the Scriptures and his commands for his people.

 

 
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Posted by on March 11, 2016 in Inner Thoughts, WELLNESS